GM Parimarjan Negi's almost-believable fun take on Anand - Carlsen World Chess Championship 2013

Anand-Carlsen for Dummies by GM Parimarjan Negi via the talented chess champion’s blog http://parimarjan.in/

(Warning: This is satire. Do NOT take any of this literally.)

Disappointing most of the world, and both the players, Chennai managed to clinch the 2013 World Championship by bidding a million dollars less than Paris. Justifying the decision, an FIDE spokesperson explained that money is not the only important issue to consider when awarding such prestigious events. “Paris was too mainstream and chic, we had to keep with the tradition of venues like Libya, Khanty Mansyisk, Tromso etc. After all we are the guardians of the international image of chess – we can’t let it be changed just because one player is getting too popular”.

After a lot of persuasion from his managers, this popular guy, Magnus Carlsen, decided to keep his opinions on the venue to himself. Instead he has been trying to (unsuccessfully) find a place to play football in Chennai.

Vishy on the other has been smiling through his teeth as he thanks the organisers to bring the match home. Away from the camera he wonders why the AICF (All India Chess federation) has suddenly decided to do something for him after three decades. Couldn’t they wait a bit longer to become active?

Anyway, it’s all about winning the match as the stakes have never before been this high. While Vishy only has the rest of his career to lose, Magnus has his next multi million dollar modelling assignment at stake. Also winning the match might finally give him some time to get a girlfriend.

So in preparation, as everyone knows by now Carlsen has been working on his hypnotic skills – besides his usual methods of staring at the opponent’s eyes or appearing to be asleep, he has also prepared some brand new methods of mind control.

Rest of the time, Magnus has been telling his seconds how weak they play, shooting off brilliant fb comments, or just tweeting new pictures obviously aimed at a potential endorsement deal.

He has also asked Garry Kasparov for the secret of scaring Anand. Despite his extremely packed schedule of posing for photographs, signing autographs, and writing lengthy fb updates, Garry has taken time to explain his favourite hobby of the 1990?s to Magnus.

But Anand has not been idle either. Ever since Victor Korchnoi revealed the secret of Carlsen’s sucess, Vishy has been trying to find an antidote to this hypnotic scare. His camp refused to comment whether they were considering using highly trained Indian Sadhus to deal with these mind games – a technique used by Korchnoi himself in one of his matches against Karpov.

But sources confirmed that after Nakamura’s amazing success at dealing with the Magnus stare using Ray Ban, Vishy has been considering sponsorship deals with various eye-wear companies.

While, for dealing with the Garry pressure, Vishy has decided to build a Rajni wall around him. Every re-watch of a Rajnikanth movie adds a new layer of unbreakable psychological aura around him.

And speaking of movies, he has also been inspired by the Bollywoods 40+ makeovers – and has been building his own six packs to set up the perfect masala climax with the scowling Carlsen.

PS: All details in this piece are created with my (GM Parimarjan Negi) imagination, it’s uncanny similarity to reality is of course just co-incidental.