10 Things Pakistan May Consider Doing After The Fiasco

With Pakistani cricket reduced to tears after managing its all-time lowest score against South Africa, I was just thinking about the 10 things which they may consider doing next.

1. Open the batting with Junaid Khan and Umar Gul. After all they have a better knowledge about swinging deliveries.

2. Stop playing mind-games with South Africa. Even the chokers can choke you! Pakistanis need to understand that every team can’t be Australia who can actually show as much character on the field as they do off the field.

3. Stop bragging about the line-up. A handful of “exciting” names doesn’t always suggest match-winning players. Besides, it’s quite impractical to expect the likes of Rahat Ali, Sarfraz Ahmed and Azhar Ali to match the big names of the order of Jacques Kallis, AB de Villiers, Dale Steyn and others.

4. Learn to respect South African pitches. Welcome to Centurion, Durban and Johannesburg – the Paradise of pacers! No turn. No Saeed Ajmal. No victory. And if you are looking up to the inexperienced lot of young pacers to pull off stunners in these conditions, well then… Go home, you are drunk!

5. Be particularly aware of the amazingly soft and responsible hands of AB de Villiers, who equalled the record of Jack Russell for most dismissals by a wicket-keeper in a single Test. Also, he is the only ‘keeper to score a ton and effect 10 dismissals in the same game. So, the next time Pakistan gets an edge on the bat, South Africa will get an edge over the match!

6. Begin to lose sleep over a certain Dale Steyn. He is back to his usual ominous self on his home pitches and what Pakistan experienced is just the trailer of a thriller that promises all the elements of excitement and suspense and (hopefully) a perfect climax!

7. Clone the genes of Misbah-ul-Haq. If it’s anything that prevented the country from further embarrassment, then it’s him.

8. Hire a mental-conditioning coach. Misbah’s like-an-elder-brother words aren’t just enough to boost the morale of the players whose performances have hit their nadir.

9. Cancel the rest of South Africa tour stating security reasons and disclosing a confidential tape of a threat from a known terrorist organization.

10. Ignore all the above points and take a sleeping pill and wake up the next day with a new (but futile) vigour to turn the series in their favour.