Ask Yazad: Ghosts, cartoons and facial hair

Q. Does the Indian team need more facial hair? – Yosemite Sam

A. YES! YES! YES! Shikhar Dhawan looks menacing with his moustache, a trait you always want in your opening batsman. Ravindra Jadeja can grow as much facial hair as he wants as long as he plays like this, even though he wouldn’t look out of place in a Salman Khan movie. Virat Kohli is the man, and looks the part too. Ishant Sharma’s facial hair isn’t exactly impressive, but I say better on him than off him. As far as the rest of the players go, MS Dhoni should grow a moustache like Tom Selleck, and then instead of calling him the ‘Captain’ we could call him the ‘Colonel’. Rohit Sharma should consider growing a pencil moustache; it would give him a distinguished look to go with his classy batting.

Q. What’s with David Warner’s attitude? – John Buchannan

A. The last time an Australian got drunk in England, it was 2009. They lost the Ashes that year. The same thing happened in 2005. Do you sense a pattern emerging? A number of reasons have been given for Warner’s actions. Maybe, he was at an Australian themed pub because he felt homesick. Maybe a bar was the only place he could connect with his shots (My personal pick). Maybe he got annoyed that a kid who looked like he was about 12 was doing better than him. Alas, what hope did he have of connecting; his hand eye coordination has been seriously off lately. It could be that he had too much to drink. Either way, as things stand, this might well be the only time an Australian beats an Englishman on this tour.

Q. I thought I saw ghosts at the Champions Trophy- Scooby Doo

A. Firstly Scooby, I’m a big fan. An absolute honour this. No you haven’t seen the ghosts of either Brian Lara or Sanath Jayasuriya. West Indies’ Darren Bravo has a long way to go yet, even though he does bat like Lara. Sri Lanka’s Kusal Janith Perera is doing the getting out early attacking bit right but he hasn’t played the epic innings Jayasuriya used to play as yet. Now if only Australia could find the ghosts of Ponting, Gilchrist, Hayden or Hussey.

Q. The India-Pakistan match was billed as a clash between the batting might of India and bowling prowess of Pakistan. What happened? –People who were at Edgbaston

A. Well, rain happened and managed to prolong the match. This was billed as a clash between the best batting line-up and best bowling attack in the tournament to go with the customary primal cries. That wasn’t true; this was a match between the worst bowling attack and worst batting line-up in the tournament. In the battle of who was worse, India was the best.

Q. I don’t know whether to watch movies or the cricket. What should I do? –Guy who has his priorities wrong.

A. Watch the cricket. Instead of ‘Bend it like Beckham’ you can see ‘Drop it like Akmal’. If you’re an ‘Apocalypse Now’ fan, just follow Australia’s tour. If you’re a fan of Bollywood action films where one guy manages to jump around and beat up 10, watch India bat. If you like Western Classics with the super-cool lead and amazing shoot-outs, just watch the West Indies (but not Denesh Ramdin). For those that like movies with twists, turns but an expected end, South Africa is playing in the semi-finals.

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