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Ask Yazad: Missing South Africans, dropped catches and more

Q. I noticed a lot of key South African players getting injured and missing the Champions Trophy as a result. How adversely will this affect the team’s chances? -Doctor McSomething

A. You’re right; a lot of important South African players have got injured. England is missing a match-winner and game-changer in Kevin Pietersen, although Jonathan Trott is doing his best to keep the South African end up. New Zealand’s middle order scrapper Grant Elliot missed the Sri Lanka game because of injury and they haven’t picked the feisty Neil Wagner either. As far as South Africans actually playing for South Africa go, Graeme Smith, Dale Steyn and Morne Morkel are injured and Jacques Kallis skipped the tournament for personal reasons. No, not because he didn’t want to be the oldest guy there, Pakistan does have Misbah. Interestingly enough, the only team that lost because they missed their South Africans was South Africa.

Q. Dropped catches have been at the forefront of this Champions Trophy, any comments? – Fake Jonty Rhodes

A. I assume you’re talking about Dinesh Ramdin and the dropped catch he claimed. Many reasons have been given; some have called him a cheat and charlatan; others asked how he could be so stupid with a dozen cameras pointed at him. Perhaps he remembered that it was almost one year to the day of his infamous ‘Yeah Viv talk nah’ tirade and wanted to do something special. The reasons are abound. Whenever Pakistan is playing, a dropped chance is almost imminent; they do have Kamran Akmal behind the stumps. He drops so many catches that it’s a shock when he actually takes one. In fact, he practically re-wrote the ‘ABCD’ of keeping, A for Akmal, B for Ball, C for Catch, D for Drop. Overall, a trend is developing – drop a batsman and he makes you pay. Ask Shikhar Dhawan, Hashim Amla and Misbah ul Haq.

Q. Which team in the Champions Trophy has the most consistent death bowling attack? – Mick Lewis, former Australia bowler

A. India, clearly the winner. They always seem to get pasted in the last 10-15 overs. And sometimes in the first 35. You can’t beat that sort of consistency, it’s almost unreal.

Q. I was flipping through channels and saw Zimbabwe destroying Australia. WHAT??!?!- Shocked and Confused

A. Don’t worry, it was just England. And unless you haven’t watched cricket since early 2009, that shouldn’t come as a shock. But yes, I can understand the confusion, England do look like Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe and Bangladesh aren’t participating in the tournament; after all, it is called the Champions Trophy and they don’t win anything. Makes sense, top 8 teams only. The only team that probably regrets this is Australia; with Zimbabwe and Bangladesh playing they might have actually won something.

Q. Can you please explain Duckworth Lewis? – Everyone

A. Well basically it’s this complicated system where the target is adjusted for the team chasing in the event of rain or any other such disturbance. Wickets, runs scored and par scores are factored in. It’s really quite confusing and doesn’t make sense. According to Duckworth Lewis, a team can score more than the opposition and still lose. The only people who can probably explain it are Messrs Duckworth and Lewis, I think. It may be confusing, but it’s all we have. Anything beats 21 runs off 1 ball, doesn’t it?

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