Cycle Agarbatti threatens to withdraw - LOL Report: West Indies vs India

DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction written for humorous purposes and should be taken in jest.

‘Damn! One sponsor less. How are we supposed to buy shiny new things now?’

One of the key sponsors of the tri-series – Cycle Agarbatti – has threatened to withdraw from the tournament after the West Indies-India encounter  last night. “The organizers had agreed upon having a torch relay involving the two captains just before the toss, the only difference being that they would be holding an Agarbatti in one hand, riding on a cycle onto the field. It never happened.” Unfortunately, the cycles and the Cycle Agarbattis never made it through the security check at the Sabina Park.

Christopher Columbus would have been confused which team to support before the start of the game if he were alive. Arun Lal was woefully running out of questions at the toss and it seemed as if it was only a matter of time before he started asking the captains about birds. Dhoni sported a new haircut that made him look 20 years younger, perhaps just slightly older than Sachin Tendulkar. There wasn’t any conflict of interest at the toss with two CSK captains as someone quickly replaced Dwayne Bravo with Kieron Pollard.

The coverage from Ten Sports was so bad that Doordarshan would look like a HD Channel in front of it. They were showing titbits from the cricket match in between the ads and not vice versa. You know the commentary team is full of s**t when you start rating Russel Arnold as one of the better commentators in the unit. There seemed to be hardly a couple of thousands of spectators, but the noise of the Vuvuzelas were causing terrible noise pollution. In a way, it was good as you could almost avoid completely listening to Arun Lal’s commentary; but then it reached a point where everybody started to get annoyed.

Then came that awkward moment. The match started to get so boring that people began to look forward to Monday, something that had never happened in the history of corporate life. Rohit Sharma was given quite a few chances, but the Maggi was finally cooked. India were in trouble with captain Dhoni and Raina trying to resurrect the innings. Dhoni pulled a muscle on his right leg and started limping. He continued to bat because, despite limping, he was running faster than Ravichandran Ashwin, who was slated to come in soon. Some expected the BCCI to quickly give a call to the ICC and scrap the no-runner rule soon. Don’t be surprised if that happens!

‘Let’s blame this on the ICC, as usual’

Tino Best looked like a poor man’s Shaun Tait – completely wayward and hitting the timber once in a while. The noise from the Vuvuzelas never seemed to cease. The only logical explanation I could come up with was that they must be chanting ‘Sachin Sachin’ with it.

Dhoni never took the field and it was Kohli’s job to defend this small total. He knows a thing or two after having played with Gayle in the IPL. Smart field placement saw the end of the big man before he could even get started. Devon Smith and Samuels departed pretty quickly and Raina elbowed Rohit Sharma in the middle of all the celebrations. Of course, he would have quickly blamed his nephew for the same. West Indies were three down and Jadeja hadn’t even started bowling.

Charles did everything to impress the IPL team owners. Scored quickly, targeted all corners and threw away his wicket  just in time to bring India back into the game. Wickets started falling in quick succession, and slowly this game was going down to the wire. Yes, it happened despite Ravi Shastri and MS Dhoni not being around.

Six runs were needed and there was only one wicket left. There would have been a mass suicide at the Sabina park had the match ended in a draw – referring to the folks blowing the Vuvuzelas. Kohli should have just gone up to Roach and said, ‘Abey BC! That golden chain on your neck might get bigger if you play the IPL next year. Think!” But he must have assumed there’s a fairplay award and decided against it. Well, of course, that was the difference between stand in captain Kohli and captain Dhoni – luck.

Such a close game; and at the end of the day, Christopher Columbus was the real winner.