Satire: Why Gautam Gambhir is anything but a cricketer
Now that KKR have been eliminated from the IPL 2016, I couldn’t grab an opportunity better than this to vent my frustration.
Gautam Gambhir is the worst thing to have happened to India and KKR. I simply cannot understand this: how can someone who is never seen smiling, be a part of the gentleman’s game? I mean, isn’t the smile the most important curve to warrant you as a gentleman?
For Gambhir, it definitely is.
He must show his teeth every once in a while to prove that he can score runs. To show that he can captain his team. Nobody likes a person who never smiles. This guy takes his name too seriously.
The absence of his smile has become such a burning issue in the country that BCCI is considering renaming him Hasmukhlal. The only time anybody has seen Gambhir smile is the time when he came to know that there is a cricketer called Sachin Baby in the enemy team.
Wait, I am not done yet
Gambhir is more wooden than Arjun Rampal with his expressions. Maybe that is because of the wood in his armour. I mean the bat.
Moreover, nobody likes a person who gets angry when he should be happy, unless of course Amazon delivers slippers instead of those brown loafers that you ordered.
If Mary had a little lamb, Gambhir would eat it.
Let me explain this in more detail.
This absolutely irrational guy, who is apparently the skipper of the Kolkata Knight Riders, has taken LOL to a whole new level. Very deservedly he is not a part of the Indian National Team, because he kicked a chair after his team ‘won’.
For many, KKR vs RCB was read as Kolkata Kursi Riders vs Royal Chair Breakers because of Gambhir.
For starters, Gambhir, known nationwide as another arrogant man from the capital, violently kicked the chair after vice-captain Suryakumar Yadav hit a boundary in a winning cause at the Chinnaswamy Stadium in Bangalore.
Also Read: Gautam Gambhir kicked chair after his team's win against Royal Challengers Bangalore
How could he be so happy that he targeted the chair? What was the fault of the poor chair? The chair suffered several fractures and was rushed to the hospital. However, it lost its life despite the bills paid by Gambhir for its best treatment.
If the media is to be believed, the hospital bill amounted to about 15% of the perpetrator’s match fee.
Gambhir is a murderer in every sense of the term
This IPL, he first murdered the ball quite a number of times to become the 4th highest run scorer in all the seasons. He then murdered the opposition eight times to enter the playoffs.
Double G even went to the extent of murdering Pune’s last hope of surviving in the tournament by setting the field for Dhoni in such a way that Captain Cool managed only 8 runs off 22 balls. Rare, very rare, and totally unacceptable.
And then, of course, the worst of all the assassinations – that of the innocent chair. So many murders in a single IPL season. The guy is slowly turning fearsome. The only reason nobody has permanently sat on the iron throne even after six seasons of Game of Thrones is because they fear Gambhir will kick and break the sword chair, killing the King.
He is feared in all the seven kingdoms and all the cricket boards.