Glenn Maxwell's Secret Diary: Part 2

I am back, baby!!

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, meant to be in jest.

Click here for Part 1.

At the hotel

I got a text from Mickey Arthur saying I should work on my personal appearance as long as I was in India so I gave the best possible image of the Australian cricket team. So I went to the boss lady and asked her if she had any good oil regarding the matter. She took me to this bloke called Anton and he told me he could make me look ‘Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous’ and I was all ‘No way!’ and he was all ‘Way!’. Absolutely bonzer mate!

Mate if AB and Tugga see this, I’m a dead man.

Game 10

Hyderabad, the scene of my Test debut. No such luck with Mumbai. Spent the game talking about how to be a tough, hard-as-nails, ruthless, world-beating champion Aussie with Punter. That reminds me, I need to buy more hand sanitizer.

At the hotel

Got a text from John Buchanan saying I should read Sun Tzu’s ‘Art of War’. That’s totally going to happen mate. ROBL (Rolls on Bench Laughing). Who gave that old codger my number?

Game 11

I missed the team bus. Nobody noticed. I was on the bench, AGAIN. Mate, CSK ruined my chances of getting a game soon by playing even worse than us. Crikey, talk about being selfish mate. An interesting thing happened; got a call from Ikea, they want me to take some photos for their catalogue. Looks like I’m going to get paid the big bucks for sitting around and doing nothing again!

At the Hotel

Early night, stayed in and listened to some Bon Jovi.

It’s my life,
It’s now or never.
I don’t wanna be on the bench forever,
I just want to play while I’m alive.

Game 12

Mate, most of my Test innings are shorter than that Dwayne Smith snooze-fest. How is he still playing while I live on the bench? Atleast I look FAAAAAAAABULOUS doing it. Good news, I got some bench-warming tips from Tiwary. After the game I caught up with Jacques Kallis. I said ‘Mate lets go have a couple of coldies, just us great all-rounders’ He just laughed and said ‘Mate I think you’ve had enough already’ Now what did he mean by that?

Game 13

Breaking news. Stop the press. It finally happened. They told me I was playing today. I may or may not have been responsible for Pollard falling sick. I was absolutely gobsmacked. I worked off all my nervous energy by running around clapping like a monkey in the first few overs. Mate I bowled a bloody amazing over, real high class stuff. Smash, bang wallop. 13 runs, 7 balls, I’m back baby! Mate what the team was missing not playing me stands out like a dog’s b**ls.

At the Hotel

I played, we won. The boys and me pulled an all-nighter. I planned a 70’s disco night. I look good with a big moustache!

Well, you can tell by the way I use the ball,
I’m a captain’s man: no time to talk.
Music loud and women warm, I’ve smashed the ball around,
Since I was born.
And now it’s all right. It’s ok.
And you may look the other way.
We can try to understand,
The Glenn Maxwell effect on man.
Nuff said.