LOL Report - Celkon Cup Final, India vs Sri Lanka

DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction written for humorous purposes and should be taken in jest.

Not just another India-Sri Lanka match

Firstly, a moment of silence for everyone who decided to sleep thinking it is just another boring India vs Sri Lanka match. Secondly, I’m wondering if it would be appropriate to call this ‘Arun LOL’ report. You’ll soon know why. Let’s go back and relive the game for the ones who missed it.

India were playing Sri Lanka for the 8762435th time, and the two teams were fighting for something bigger than the World Cup, the Cycle Agarbattis and the Celkon Mobiles. MS Dhoni wanted to add another agarbatti (read as feather) to his cap, and he decided to play despite not being 100% fit.

Kumar Sangakkara got as many lives as Undertaker has in the WWE, and at 171/2 in the 38th over, Sri Lanka were expected to toy with the Indian bowlers in the death overs. But maybe they showed N Srinivasan’s image on the big screen. The collapse began soon. Ravindra Jadeja seemed like a less prettier version of Shane Warne as he helped the Indians clean up the remaining 8 wickets for just 30 runs. Sri Lanka were bundled out for 201.

It looked like Virat Kohli‘s love affair with Sri Lanka had hit a dead end. With Dhawan and Kohli back in the hut, it was the ‘talented’ Rohit Sharma who reconstructed the innings. Meanwhile, listening to Arun Lal, Russel Arnold and Rameez Raja minutes after listening to greats like Nasser Hussain, David Lloyd and Co. was a journey to hell in itself.

If Rameez Raja was a famous poet of the past, not many of us would have cleared our English exams in school. Every time an Indian wicket fell, Russel Arnold experienced bouts of orgasm.

At that time of the night, when people would usually be up watching Sunny Leone, we were destined to find solace in an India Sri Lanka game. It wasn’t that disappointing after all. India kept losing wickets, and it started to get more interesting.

Rohit Sharma took his comparison with Sachin Tendulkar to a new level after he got out to a ball that kept low. He also had such similar reactions, suggesting the world that the ball just rolled after pitching, which of course, wasn’t the case.

In came MS Dhoni, with a better clean shaven look. He wasn’t fully fit, didn’t seem to be running freely, could not time the ball well, and more importantly, he kept losing partners. However, there was hope, since India bat deep.

Jadeja and Ashwin made guest appearances that lasted a few seconds. Perhaps it was the quickest we have seen Ashwin run in and out of the field. By now, Dhoni had realised it was up to him to take India home. For a moment, he would have thought, ‘Damn! Is this why I decided to play this game?’ Instincts and all that.