Madras High Court bans use of terms like 'sexy shot'

Madras High Court orders the bat to do the talking: No more s-words please.

Disclaimer: This is a piece of fiction written for humorous purposes and should be taken in jest.

Soon after its outrageous ruling that couples indulging in pre-marital sex would be considered married, the Madras High Court has come out with another set of sensational rulings which will no doubt impact the lives of cricket fans around the country.

According to the High Court, the use of terms such as ‘sexy shot’ will now be banned.

“Use of such filthy terms is what is polluting our sacred game,” opined Justice CS Karnan, the man behind the controversial pre-marital sex ruling. “In fact, all the bad things that have happened to cricket have sex involved heavily – most notably the IPL.”

The High Court has already got down to work – most notably on video platform YouTube that hosts many vintage matches and innings. Noting that many of his innings elicit comments like ‘sexy shot’ and ‘I wet myself after seeing that cover drive’, the Court has pulled up ace cricketer Sachin Tendulkar for corrupting the minds of the young.

“In our days, we would politely applaud and say, ‘Good shot.’ What is wrong with that?” wheezed a senior judge, whose age is yet to be determined (we are awaiting the carbon dating results).

Fans from the city are distraught. “Now how will I ever be able to watch Dale Steyn bowl again? Any other superlative won’t do!” moaned a Test cricket fan from Adyar.

Resourceful fans are using other means to communicate the message:

“Deepika Padukonesque shot!” suggested one young man from Thiruvanmiyur, before changing his mind after seeing the horrid trailer of Chennai Express.

“One divided by cos c shot,” sniggered a Trigonometry student from T Nagar, showing off Chennai’s high density of intellectual IIT-bound fifth standard kids.

The ruling also has affected the players in weird ways. Especially those who are predisposed to sledging. In a practice match at Chepauk earlier this week, brash young cricketer Virat Kohli was his usual self as he yelled a choice abuse to an opposing player. The High Court ruled this as ‘intent’ and now Kohli is being made to ‘see’ the ‘behen’ in question. “What’s the point of saying that there’s an intention to fornicate with one’s female sibling if there was no such intent in the first place?!” said the judge, sounding logical and absurd at the same time.

However, experts are still not clear on the penalty. “In the case of pre-marital sex, the person would be made to marry the girl. But what happens if you call a shot a sexy one? Will you be made to marry the ball? The bowler? The umpire?” posed a law journalist. The question has the High Court in a quandary. So till they figure out a suitable punishment, offenders will be made to listen to Danny Morrison’s commentary on loop.