"Yaar kya hoga gaya, kyu ho gaya, mere saath kyu" - Ishan Kishan admits "depressing" feelings after BCCI central contract axe
India wicketkeeper-batter Ishan Kishan has opened up about his feelings of depression, heartbreak, and self-questioning after he was axed from the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI)'s central contract in February. Kishan, alongside Shreyas Iyer, was reprimanded for not participating in domestic cricket while away from the national side.
Kishan left a tour in late 2023 citing travel fatigue while Iyer was dropped midway through India's home Test series against England. The former went to Gujarat to practice alongside Hardik Pandya and Krunal Pandya while Iyer was said to be recovering from injury.
However, the BCCI issued blanket directives to domestic cricketers emphasizing the importance of making themselves available for domestic teams at all costs. While Iyer did so belatedly, Kishan remained unavailable for Jharkhand. Both, despite being in India's 2023 ODI World Cup squad, didn't get central contracts.
"It was depressing," Kishan told The Indian Express. "Today I don’t want to say that everything was fine. It was not easy for me at all. You go through a lot. Mere dimag mey ye sab chalta raha ki yaar kya hoga gaya, kyu ho gaya, mere saath kyu (Questions like what happened, why me). All these things happened when I was performing."
"I was scoring runs and then I found myself on the bench. These things do happen in a team sport. But I experienced travel fatigue. It meant there was something wrong, I was not feeling well or right and so I decided to take a break. However, sadly, barring my family and few close people no one understood that," he added.
Asked about how his family took that phase, Kishan replied:
"A sportsperson can deal with what people on the outside are saying. What stresses you out is how your parents are taking it. How they are dealing with it. When you get to know that they are equally affected, it hurts you, and kills you from inside. But at that point in time, my family members were very supportive. They backed me and my decisions. They understood that I was not feeling well. They understood my situation. They never questioned it but they rallied around me and never left me alone."
The talented wicketkeeper-batter added that he's now in an "excellent frame of mind", planning to travel to Mumbai where he'll prepare for the upcoming domestic season to try and give his best for Jharkhand.
"To play domestic cricket was not making any sense" - Ishan Kishan
More than Kishan taking a break from international cricket, his decision to stay away from domestic matches seemed to have rubbed even his fans in the wrong way, while also causing nationalistic emotions to flow.
However, Kishan said that he agreed to the then-head coach Rahul Dravid's rule that every player would need to perform in domestic matches for international comebacks. But he added that it didn't make sense to play for Jharkhand when he needed a break from the game.
"I took a break and I think it was normal. There is a rule that if you want to make a comeback you must perform in domestic cricket. It is as simple as that. Now, it was very different for me to play domestic cricket as it was not making any sense. I was not in a frame of mind to play and that is why I took a break from international cricket. It doesn’t make sense that you take a break from international cricket and then ou go and play domestic matches. Fir toh aap international hi khelte (Then I could have continued playing for India)," Kishan stated in the same interview.
The domestic season kicks off with the Duleep Trophy on September 5.