An open letter from a Bangladesh fan to India cricket team on how to beat South Africa

South Africa won the ODI series against India 3-2, their first ODI series triumph on Indian soil

Dear Indian cricket team,

Ouch, that hurt. There was once a time when fans of Indian cricket team laughed at Bangladesh cricket team fans at their inability to win games against the big guns. Turns out, the tides have changed. Right now, the collective laughs of millions of Bangladeshis, as well as other India-cricket-team-loathers, can be heard echoing through the walls of eternity.

 

Why? Because you lost to South Africa at home, something which Bangladesh cricket team didn’t.

If you recall properly—which, of course, you do, given that just a month prior we made you taste sand—then you will know that we beat South Africa at home despite being 1-0 down after the first game.

Since you fail to do what we handsomely did, and managed to give away 438 runs in one game in the process, it is time for you learn…learn how to beat South Africa at home.

I am not the avid cricket lover that I once was, but I do have some points which could help you beat big teams at home in the near future. For starters, scouting the dustbins in Bangladesh for bowlers would be an apt way to begin.

Also read: Pakistan vs Bangladesh, ICC T20 World Cup 2016: Match Predictions, Pitch Report, Match Date and Time

 

This might sting, but it is the truth. If one conducts a thorough search within the trash inside every dustbin present in Bangladesh, then they will most likely locate a bowler that is better than every bowler in the Indian bowling unit (I refuse to undermine the strength of the word ‘attack’).

There is Mohit Sharma, who himself isn’t exactly sure how he tricked everyone—including MS. Dhoni—into believing that he is an international caliber bowler. Then there is Bhuvaneshwar Kumar—like an Anil Kumble, albeit a very poor man’s version, with a long run-up.

Finally, the spinners. India were once known for their spin bowling, but now all they have are bowlers who grip the ball and hope for the best.

Compare this to Bangladesh’s bowling line up of Mashrafe, Mustafizur Rahman, Rubel Hossain and Shakib al-Hasan, then India’s line-up seems like Nokia when compared to iPhone.

Another suggestion would be to make bowler-friendly pitches, but the aforementioned point emphasizing on India’s impotent bowling attack kills this thought before implementation.

All these years, after every India win, the fans rubbed it in on opposition fans like there was no tomorrow. It seems as though the phrase ‘what goes around comes back around’ is true after all, as the India cricket team is worse than Honey Singh’s cheesy tracks.

One day, Rohit Sharma is the best batsman in the world (those days come only when he is playing at home and batting first), and another day he is like ‘Kachra’ from Lagaan when it comes to batting.

And then the painful case of Mahendra Dhoni. When he arrived on the scene, he was the most aggressive batsman. Now, however, he is way too composed, someone who could give anger management lessons to a Shaolin monk.

In this regard, Mashrafe Mortaza is the total opposite. He is like an inferno waiting to consume all those in the opposition team for the sins they have committed and, so far, it has worked—even against South Africa.

Concluding this letter, the final piece of advice I have for BCCI is to schedule the next South Africa series when AB de Villiers is expecting a child. That way, he will fly away to his home and spend time with his wife and that will save Indian bowlers from his wrath.

Regards,

A Bangladeshi.

This article has been written in a light-hearted banter style and is NOT intended to hurt anyone.