Sahara, Sedition and All Things Cricket

Sri Lanka’s cricketers celebrate with the tournament trophy as they pose for a group photo following the presentation ceremony after winning the final match of the Asia Cup one-day cricket tournament between Pakistan and Sri Lanka at the Sher-e-Bangla National Cricket Stadium in Dhaka on March 8, 2014.

The week just gone by was witness to some great cricketing action like the expulsion of Kashmiri students after charging them with sedition. Well, too big a price to pay for following the quote “Love thy neighbor”. Luckily though, Ryan Harris’ knees did not have any seditious intentions and paved the way for a “down the wire”, “just what the doctor ordered” stuff. Following which, the entire world was abuzz with “Test cricket is real cricket”, while the BCCI couldn’t care enough, as they were busy with more important tasks like keeping a track on their revenues. The Test also marked the end of Graeme Smith’s international career.

Apparently, the West Indies were not too happy with Smith choosing Australia over them as retirement service providers. They almost pulled off a ‘dharna’ only to realize that they had very little time to get in shape for the all important IPL and went on to humiliate England and Jade Dernbach.

Meanwhile, Sahara’s list of non-performing assets had one more entry in the form of Bangladesh cricket team when it met the same fate in the Asia Cup as that of ‘Gunday’ at the box office. The trend of making Indian bowlers look like Uday Chopra continued while Afghanistan impressed one and all with their run in the tournament. Shahid Afridi shocked everyone by lasting more than 4 balls, thereby pulling off two wins for Pakistan as their countrymen all around the world celebrated their win by dancing to Indian songs.

Ravichandran Ashwin‘s career hit a new low after being compared to Chetan Sharma. I mean, come on, Sharma clearly lacked the talent of bowling the same type of deliveries with 8 different actions. Indian fans had a very forgettable tournament, to an extent that this series could be recalled as “Amnesia Cup”.

The trophy was ultimately picked up by the Kingfisher employees of the cricket world: popularly known as the Sri Lankan cricket team. Now, this is interesting because the last time Sri Lanka won a final, Sachin Tendulkar was still playing cricket, Jacques Kallis was still killing momentum, towels weren’t being used to throw away games, Maruti 800 was still being manufactured and N Srinivasan was still making money. Err.. ok whatever. Pakistani bowlers struggled to bowl over the Lankans in the final of the Asia Cup. Their fans couldn’t come to terms with it considering even Sajid Khan was able to bowl over Jacqueline Fernandes.

Also, Pakistan launched their own version of the “Aam Admi Party” as if their cricket team’s fielding was not providing them with enough fodder to laugh. The minute they decided to turn anarchist, they realized anarchy is like the fast bowlers in Pakistan: they are all around already. The good thing though is, for a change, they won’t be wrong in accusing Lasith Malinga of being an agent of Mukesh Ambani.

Rain once again played spoilsport in the 2nd T20 between Australia and South Africa, reducing it to 7-a-side affair. A game in which South Africa’s tactics stooped to an ECB-level ridiculousness when they sent out Hashim Amla to open the innings. The Aussies though looked in no mood for a one-sided competition and hence got him out quickly. David Warner continued with his destructive form so much so that EA Sports cricket should consider having him as an unlockable character. Eventually, Brad Hodge led Australia to a win, and the match ended before a Sri Lankan guy could complete telling his name.

The BCCI decided to give the United Arab Emirates some share of controversy by announcing it as one of the IPL hosts along with Bangladesh. Mohammad Hafeez claimed that Pakistanis are missing out on the experience of playing in the IPL, which is euphemism for “we are not being paid well”.

The World T20 is round the corner, and here’s hoping for some more crazy cricket!