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Satire: 10 things about Ravindra Jadeja you never wanted to know

Disclaimer: All opinions expressed here are those of the author and may not necessarily reflect those of the site.

In 2009, India witnessed a major phenomena called Ravindra Jadeja, who would later go on to torment everybody connected with cricket except his opponents.

Here are a few things about Ravindra Jadeja you wouldn’t care to know:

1. They say opportunity does not knock twice. With Ravindra Jadeja, the opportunity stares into his video door phone camera and pleads with him to let her in.

2. Ravindra Jadeja may change his hairstyle, sunglasses or tattoos every season but what remains unchanged is the expression of someone who has drunk a glass of beer and found a snail at the bottom.

3. Ravindra Jadeja loves to watch Kevin Pietersen batting videos closely before zeroing down on his tattoo designs and getting one for himself. Much like the cabbies in Goa who put the 3 pointed Mercedes Star on their Maruti Van tailgates.

4. The Audi which caught fire last month at the Bandra Worli Sea link wasn’t an accident. Investigations revealed that the owner of the car discovered that even Ravindra Jadeja owned the same brand of car.

5. A cricket writer mysteriously disappeared and search for him has been rendered futile. Sources say his last words were “Ravindra Jadeja is the Indian Gary Sobers”.

6. The only time Ravindra Jadeja has earned the coveted “orange cap” in the IPL was when he played one season for “Kochi Tuskers Kerala”. The colour of the team cap was orange then.

7. In Ranchi ODI, though the 3 English batsmen were dismissed for 0, the England scorecard displayed four zeroes.

Keiswetter….0
Patel………….0
Dernbach……0

And RAVINDRA JADEJA, who dismissed these 3.

8. Kochi replaced Shirdi as the miracle tourist destination after Ravindra Jadeja scored 61 off just 37 deliveries.

9. If Twitter reduces the 140 characters limit to 14, Ravinder Jadeja will be the least affected. Sample some of his tweets and you’ll know why:

We were told that the last expression was of the snake after it spotted Jadeja.

The following tweet not only shows his excitement of going for a movie but also his taste in films.

Jadeja was there for Race 2. He was also there in the Indian team when Raaz 2, Jism 2 were released. He will also be there in the Indian team when Murder 14 and Dhoom 6 will be released.

10. People all over the world prefer Jadeja as a batsman than as a bowler. The Sweet mart owner in Saurashtra explained the reason behind it – “It’s because when he bats, the helmet covers his face most of the time”.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Not intended to be derisive. Interviews are not real. Fun intended.

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