Satire: 15 cricketers' start-ups gone wrong!

Rahul Dravid – A business idea for the ages!

Some cricketers turn commentators after they retire (God! even Laxman Sivaramakrishnan did). This is perhaps the easiest job.

A handful of them become writers (Aakash Chopra is earning more as a writer than he did during his playing days). This one’s a little tough but there are jobless editors like me who take excerpts from them and come up with an article with no credit whatsoever for doing it.

A few of them become analysts. They are different from commentators as the language or the vocabulary takes a back-seat here (Kapil Dev for example). Some just tie-up with the BCCI and become financially free.

The others do charity, attend parties, spend time with family and eventually end up broke. So, here’s some start-up ideas that cricketers can think of, if they have any intention of making more news and less money.

1. Inzamam English Speaking Courses – Izz the boys join. Iz all credit to the Afridi.

2. Rahul Dravid power hitting classes – Shoulder Arms. You’re going to sweat real hard.

3. Virender Sehwag hair dressers – Baap bald hota hai. Beta bhi bald hota hai.

4. Sachin Tendulkar undergarments – The pull mechanism!

5. Stuart Broad’s cat-walk course – To all the aspiring barbies and the Biebers.

6. Sreesanth Towels – Perhaps the traffic police can use it to give out signals.

7. Kevin Pietersen SMS Pack – Unlimited free SMS only if you want to b*tch about your friends.

8. Gautam Gambhir anger management classes – Kohli would be the first one to join.

9. Michael Clarke’s guide to the perfect Team Spirit – A book that will never get sold.

10. Sourav Ganguly’s summer designer wear – Remove your winter clothes and swirl it in the air.

11. Chris Gayle’s Sun Glasses collection – Even the village fairs in India can help you get better ones.

12. Rohit Sharma high performance pills – Lasts long, really long. Just two minutes.

13. Vinay Kumar nitrous boosters for Formula 1 cars – Unbelievable speed, even an auto can overtake you.

14. Ian Bell Tea Stall – No Indian would want to go there. Well, of course, except MS Dhoni.

15. Shahid Afridi ‘age’ detectors – Nobody would be allowed to watch an adult movie.