Satire: A fan's letter to Sachin Tendulkar

A letter that says it all

Dear Sachin,

Since you announced your soon-to-be retirement, my heart has been broken. I cried into my coco pops all morning and couldn’t possibly go to work. I spent the day wandering around my house aimlessly, occasionally fondling my poodle, Tendy, and sobbing into his silky tresses.

I feel so angry and helpless, Sachin. What will we do when you won’t play cricket anymore? There is no magic without you. What was once celebrated as a religion will now be just a “game”.

I’m going to start a blog so just I can write things like “Why Sachin is a God”; “The top ten reasons everyone should worship Sachin” and “Why Sachin is a better cricketer than Don Bradman”, because that will be original.

I’m going to create a tumblr page so that I can tell the world I am cutting myself over you. I’m going to troll through Twitter, looking for people who don’t worship you and send them nasty messages. For some reason, I will follow these people on twitter while simultaneously accusing them of only tweeting about Sachin to get followers.

I will find reasonably written articles on news sites and attack the authors for having an opinion and making sense. I will demand they explain their reasons for not adoring you; I will tell them they are just jealous of you, accuse them of only throwing metaphoric stones at you to get noticed.

And when all that is done, Sachin, I’m going to take a really crappy love song and change the lyrics so they fit you. I will post it on facebook so that everyone can sing it in memory of you …

I will miss you Sachin and I hope you, the God of cricket, can go out with a bang.

Lots of love

A fan