Satire: BCCI to start recruiting fast bowlers from South Africa

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Thrilled and flabbergasted by the quality of bowlers, BCCI today announced that its team will start a full fledged recruitment process in South Africa to hire pace bowlers. The team, headed by Ajit Agarkar, will start the process in Gary Kirsten‘s residence two weeks prior to the Indian Premier League. Reports claim that every street in South Africa has at least one fast bowler who can bowl faster and better than any bowler in the Indian squad.

“We announce a package of 2 Million USD per annum with several incentives like guaranteed ads and huge bonuses through projects like the IPL. There is 100 percent job security and after-match parties for recreation,” said Rajiv Shukla in a press release. The BCCI have named the process, ‘India Cements initiative’.

The ECB, who secretly used to recruit batsmen from South Africa, have taken the issue personally and have blamed the BCCI for the same. “First they copied our idea of domestic T20s. Now they want to steal our idea of overseas recruitment. They are donkeys,” said a secret source from the ECB. “We will file a lawsuit like the Winklevoss twins did to Mark Zuckerberg and sue the BCCI for stealing our idea”, he added. The BCCI didn’t seem to be perturbed by the threats from the ECB. “We have enough money to take over the ECB,” said N Srinivasan.

The bowlers hired in South Africa will receive hardcore training from a team headed by Venkatesh Prasad who will teach the bowlers to control their pace and consistently bowl in the 120s. Munaf Patel, who once used to touch the 150 kmph mark, advised the South African bowlers to get their career insured. “I used to consistently bowl in the high 140s and look what they did to me. My career is in the gutters now. I don’t want young bowlers to become like me,” he said.

To attract experienced bowlers like Steyn, Morkel and Philander, the BCCI has announced direct entry to the IPL auction round and their base price is promised to be the highest. When MS Dhoni was asked to give his reactions to BCCI’s latest initiative, he said “Well, of course. This is the only way my captaincy record in Tests can improve. I thank N Srinivasan for this opportunity.”

Lalit Modi, who is in hiding somewhere in Gujarat, tweeted, “The BCCI should thank me. I started this revolution in South Africa by hosting the IPL there. Ever since, South Africa has been producing as many fast bowlers as babies an Indian couple produces in their lifetime.”