Satire: Cricketers' New Year Resolutions

1) MS Dhoni’s resolution is to lead India to an away win in Tests. He also plans to lead the new-look CSK team to another IPL win.

2) Meanwhile, Shahid Afridi has resolved to join Sachin and Kallis, and retire from all forms of cricket this year.

3) Virat Kohli has realized that Celkon and shampoo commercials are injurious to his reputation, and now plans on signing an advertisement deal with Hero Honda – Desh ki Dhadkan! Virender Sehwag finds himself jobless again.

4) Meanwhile, Rohit Sharma wants to follow suit and resolves to quit ‘Maggi’ soon. He may have to wait till the next season of IPL, though.

5) Ravichandran Ashwin’s resolution, on the other hand, is to sign up with Tata Sky Plus, to prove to them that the pauses in his bowling action are better than those offered by them.

6) Manoj Tiwary has come to terms with his destiny, and his resolution is to get used to the three ‘B’s of his life – Bandage, Bench and Boost. The time he is not spending on the bench will optimally be used to carry drinks and recover from injuries.

7) Ishant Sharma has resolved to consult Dhawan’s barber in Delhi and finally get a haircut. In doing so, he will soon get rid of the only ‘blinder’ he has bowled in his life.

8) Sir Jadeja’s resolution, meanwhile, is to become the World’s best all-rounder, now that Kallis has bid adieu. He will soon become the No.1 batsman, bowler and all-rounder as per the ICC rankings!

9) Suresh Raina’s resolution is to drink Complan and grow ‘taller’ and ‘stronger’, so that he can soon face the bouncers hurled at him.

10) In the meanwhile, BCCI’s New Year resolution is to take over ICC as the governing body in World Cricket.