Satire: Dhoni reaffirms his faith in test cricket

Indian cricket captain, Mahendra Singh Dhoni has, once again, reaffirmed his faith in the classic form of the game. In his latest statement, he stroked a fluent and (by test standards) quick-fire 22 of 23 balls to lead India to a brilliant one run defeat against New Zealand in the second T20 international held at Chennai’s M.A.Chidambaram Stadium.

When quizzed, the Indian skipper, in typical fashion said, “Well of course, you know. Test cricket is always every boy’s dream and it was my proudest moment when I was promoted to the captaincy of the Indian test team. Since that day, I have always given my best to India when it comes to test matches and continue to do so.

“Unfortunately many people view me as a better limited overs player and this is one of my many attempts to prove the critics wrong. This innings was very special to me because I showed them again that I could easily adapt to the longer format of the game, even if it is in the form of a T20 and it is played in color.

“By now everyone also keeps saying that I play only for average but well of course, that is not true, you know. In fact my test average is only in the 30s and that ought to prove to people that I do not play for average.”

When it was pointed out that his relatively low average in test matches is the reason that many people slag him off to be unsuited to tests, he replied, “Well of course, people will have their own opinions but this innings, I have remained not out and surely this will be added to my test statistics for it does not really matter what the game is but how the game is played. I played this T20 international in the spirit of test cricket and so, the records should reflect accordingly.”

On Yuvraj’s comeback, he said, “Well of course it is great to have Yuvi back in the team, you know. A person of Yuvi’s ability is always welcome into the team because, you know, he has a lot of talent with the bat and the ball. But New Zealand should’ve played more in the spirit of the game and should not have, you know, won the game taking the shine away from Yuvi’s comeback. New Zealand have been such sporting gentlemen on this tour so far, obligingly losing both tests but this is quite unpardonable. It leaves a sour taste in the mouth, much like a kiwi fruit. See my ingenuity in using a clever pun there?’

The captain seems quite pleased with himself.

Meanwhile, Virat Kohli‘s valiant effort has gone in vain with Dhoni changing the game, quite literally. When the camera focussed on Virat after the game, in most characteristic fashion, he uttered ‘Be*******d!!!!’ Not everyone, it seems, appreciates the Captain’s contribution.