SATIRE: Kohli and Gambhir to celebrate by mother's day by focusing exclusively on maa-based gaalis

Yo mama so fat….

Charismatic captains of their respective sides, Virat Kohli (RCB) and Gautam Gambhir (KKR) plan to celebrate Mother’s Day by focusing solely on mother-related abuses during their match at Ranchi today.

“It’s an important day,” said Gambhir. “We would like to mark this momentous occasion in the only way that we know – by letting our mouths do the talking.” He then proceeded to practice on life-size effigies of various RCB players.

Virat Kohli has been brushing up on his own skills and seemed excited at a press conference yesterday. “Yes, I’ve been trying new material. There are some new lines that I have which I can’t wait to try it out there on stage,” sounding eerily like a stand-up comedian. “I’m sure there will be some issue or the other – Gauti claiming a catch that was grassed, Rajat Bhatia needlessly hitting sixes to win the match, a deliberate mid-pitch collision to run Chris Gayle out. Basically, there’s no shortage of occasions and I want to be fully prepared to give the fans their money’s worth.”

Public reaction has been mixed, as usual.

“How can they denigrate the sanctity of motherhood?!” said an outraged gent, who had clearly never been to Delhi in his life.

“Why the hell do these guys keep calling me?!” muttered a tired-looking Australian gent called Terry McKey.

“HEY BRO WHO DA HELL R U TO SAY SACHIN SHUD RETIRE HE IS LEGEND HV U EVEN TOUCHED A CRICKET BAT IN UR LYF?????? NO THEN SHUT DA HELL UP OK,” said a fan of Sachin Tendulkar, managing to veer in the only argument that he knows how to make in a debate.

There is an interesting geographical repercussion of this celebration as well – given the fact that there are two teams led by Kohli and Gambhir playing, the Jharkhand Commissioner has asked for the city to be renamed Raunchy for the duration of the game. “The only way it could have been made more awesome is if Australian wicketkeeper Luke Ronchi would have played. Imagine! Raunchy guys and Ronchi in Ranchi!”, he clapped in glee. “Now if only I can find a way to fit in the angle of a Raunchy Trophy game, my alliteration would be perfect!”, he said, before rightly being whisked away by concerned officials.

Fans are now concerned about what’s likely to happen on 4th August – Sister’s Day. If you’re a parent, keep one finger on the mute button.

DISCLAIMER: This article has been written in jest and is not meant to offend anyone. Please read with a pinch of salt.