Satire: Man wearing Pune Warriors jersey to be nominated for bravery award

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and meant to be in jest.

In a bizarre incident in Hinjewadi, Pune late last evening, a man was found wearing a Pune Warriors XI jersey. He was immediately nominated for a bravery award for this feat by a local body.

“We’ve seen some amazing acts of bravery over the year. This includes one man watching 3 Tusshar Kapoor movies at a stretch, but I think this beats them all. I am just… blown away!”, said a representative of the local body which has nominated the Pune resident.

The man wearing the jersey, identified as a college student, said that he was made to wear the jersey after he lost a bet. “I said that 5 players from Warriors would score double digits. Alas!”, he said.

Interestingly, TK Sportswear, the merchandising partner of the franchise, has confirmed to us that this was the only jersey sold by them this year.

“Thank goodness for that bet happening – else we’d have sold zero merchandise this year”, sighed the MD of TK Sportswear.

In the meantime, fans who bought jerseys from last year, who’re disposing them in a fit of disgust, report that even raddiwalahs (scrap-sellers) refuse to take these jerseys. “I even offered mine to an orphanage along with some other clothes. The keeper there came out and told me that it was okay to not donate clothes, but to taunt the children like this was despicable”, said one person, visibly shaken.

If reports are to be believed, aggrieved fans of the beleaguered franchise plan to pack off all their useless Pune jerseys and send them to team owner, Subrata Roy. This campaign, modelled on the lines of the infamous Pink Chaddi campaign, is to be called the Sky Blue Jersey Campaign. Roy could not be contacted for comment since he was at his office doing… Wait, nobody knows what Sahara does, including Subrata Roy.

The hapless performance of Pune has led to the franchise voicing support for newer franchises (the only way it could possibly win a couple of games). Hence, the much-laughed-at Indi Commandoes Kochi Tuskers Kerala finds support from an unusual quarter. “It’s the only way we can win… Hence we’re all for starting a few more franchises. You know – Coimbatore Battlers, Ludhiana Khambas, Gangtok Lotteries”, said Roy. When quizzed about the possibility of losing to the new teams as well, Roy looked quite annoyed, “Gah, didn’t think of that!”.

In the meantime, Vijay Mallya is trying to bail out Kingfisher Airlines by offering Chris Gayle as collateral to the State Bank of India.