Satire: Mayans predict Indian cricketers’ fortunes in 2013

A stunning sting operation from our reporters has revealed that a group of Mayans did believe life would continue to exist post 2012. The curator who dug up the ground at the Eden Gardens, in an attempt to re-lay the wicket, found a scroll that archaeologists claim belongs to the Mayans. When the writings were transcribed into English, it took everybody by surprise. The Mayans had long predicted the future of cricketers. Below is the English version of Mayans’ predictions.

Zaheer Khan will retire from International cricket and become India’s next fielding coach.

Ravindra Jadeja will be the first cricketer to score an ODI triple hundred and later realize that it was just a dream.

BCCI president N Srinivasan will make MS Dhoni India’s captain cum curator.

Suresh Raina will eventually learn to play bouncers, win lots of Man of the Match awards and dedicate them to his nephew.

Rohit Sharma becomes so lazy that he refuses to walk out to the middle and bat. He marks his guard at the practice pitch near the boundary and requests the umpires and the bowler to shift.

Virat Kohli starts taking Anger Management Classes on non-match days. Duncan Fletcher attends.

NASA, inspired by that famous leap, decides to send Ashoke Dinda on a space mission to Moon and Mars.

Ishant Sharma buys an Aston Martin from the money saved by avoiding haircuts over the last few years.

Manoj Tiwary finally gets picked for a game, but still takes drinks on to the field by mistake.

Ravichandran Ashwin runs three… as the ball gets stuck inside his pad. He then raises his bat to the dressing room. Fielding Coach Zaheer Khan gives him a standing ovation.

Gautam Gambhir patches up with MS Dhoni but runs him out the next game and gets dropped from the team the game after that.

Virender Sehwag finally finds his lost form. His Pan Card Application form. Later, his pan card number starts with a ’4′.

Harbhajan Singh returns. He makes a two-minute guest appearance in ‘Singh is King II’. He loses a passport in the movie.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and is not to be taken seriously.