Satire - An open letter from Shahid Afridi to his fans

Note: This is a satirical article written solely for purposes of humour and has no intention of hurting anyone. The use of English in this article is, however, completely intentional. 

Dear all,

At first, I would like to thank the Almighty for his blessings and gifts. Then I would like to say thanks to Maggi noodles for their support and love, they were always with me even when my missus wasn’t.

With the blessings of the Almighty I had a wonderful career, not one or two, but more than 5 careers I think because I don’t remember how many times I retire and come back. More than that I love how the explosions of the crackers is happens in my area in Pakistan when I come to bat.

Yes, my neighbours is always glue to the television when I come to bat. That’s how much they loves me, I think Indians can never have hearts as big as Pakistanis. Baju-wali aunty says that she loves to watching me bat because she never misses the serial also.

The reason I am writing this letter to you is not only to express my thanks but also give hints about my future. The question in the media is running whether I will retire or not. They ask me this question in India and I said I will make a decision when I am in Pakistan.

Actually I have made my decision already. I will retire from the game. Yes, I know you are sad, but don’t give up hope. You all know that I am only getting younger every year and so when I am thinking that I am young enough again, I will come back from retirement.

I am very tired now. I am feeling like an old man after all the things we had to go through. We played very bad in Asia Cup and now World T20, but the worst part was listening to Rameez bhai’s commentary because sometimes we feel that he is likes to make perverted statement with purpose.

My career was nice. I had the support of Inzi bhai and Waqar bhai and Wasim bhai, but most importantly I had the support of Maggi noodles. Before going out to bat, I always put the noodles in boiling water and then went to the field. It was making me unhappy to see it not be ready once I returned after 2 minutes.

Many times I decided to sue them for their 2 minute Maggi slogan, but I am loving them too much to do that.

Anyways, now I would like to end this pointless letter, which I don’t know why I am writing, may be to show my good English. Take care, bye. And thanks, my *****!

Regards,

Boom Boom Shahid Afridi.