Satire: Reason behind India's brilliant form revealed

Odd one out?: Nope, they all have facial hair which helped India play exhilerating cricket in the UK

Disclaimer: This article should be taken with a pinch of salt as it was written in levity.

If you are an Indian cricket critic, there’s some good news for you. Medical practitioners in the US have finally found a solution to the international bewilderment regarding India’s flawlessly ominous form. What may astonish you more is that the answer lies in a gene of the human body.

Medical practitioners in America have inferred that the recent success of Indian cricket may be attributed to the overgrowing of facial hair, which is controlled by a human somatic gene. “Almost half the current Indian squad sports facial hair – be it a twirling mustache, sand-pepper beard or a simple goatee – which, according to recent research, accounts for their stupendous achievements in the recent past,” explained a senior research scientist.

President Barrack Obama was exhilarated by this news. “Congratulations to the research team whose discoveries shall now make it possible to defeat India. I must immediately forward this to our sports minister…”

He stopped midway when a reporter reminded him that America does not play cricket. “Never mind, I hope this applies to local baseball as well. It’s all the same.”

So if this gene is present in every human, then why do only the Indians get to reap its benefits? The answer is exceedingly simple.

“Almost all cricketers around the globe shave. Indians don’t,” quipped a reasonable guy who was afraid his statement might bear a hint of racism.

Evidently, the twirled mustache has done wonders for the Indians. Be it Shikhar Dhawan’s memorable debut to Ravindra Jadeja’s merciless carnage, the mustache has arrived as the new lady luck for Dhoni’s men. The skipper isn’t to be left behind, though. Flaunting the salt-and-pepper beard, he got several girls drooling only to be reminded of someone called Sakshi. With Kohli’s stubble earning him a number of endorsement deals, it may be a matter of only a few months before Gillette has its markets crashing.

The recent study has also earned massive response from international cricketers.

“From Sourav’s hairy chest to Dhoni’s beard – hair continues to jinx English cricketers,” tweeted Kevin Pietersen.

“If only those freaks would’ve told this earlier,” tweeted a disappointed Michael Clarke who is, reportedly, still hallucinating about Dhawan’s innings.

“Jadeja was the one who had mailed me for advice during his poor form. I told him to grow a mustache ,” someone called W.G. Grace told a certain Arnab Goswami. Err, who?

Meanwhile, back in India, the response is obviously hypocritical as always. “It’s not facial hair; it’s hard work, tenacity, passion and talent that matters,” quipped a Ranji coach who had told his boys to grow beards if they wanted a place in the India’s eleven.