Satire: Tendulkar finds animal under his bed
Just hours after Guy Whittal, the Zimbabwe cricketer, found an 8-foot crocodile under his bed, India’s cricketing God – Sachin Tendulkar – escaped a similar life threatening situation in the team hotel at Mumbai. The Mumbai police and the forest officers rushed to the team hotel with guns and grenades to ensure the Little Master escaped unscathed.
“It was 8 am in the morning. I got out of my bed to go pick up the newspaper and read what the useless journalists had written about me. I bent down to drag my slippers from under the bed and there it was. Lying down silently, tantalizingly close to making an attack; my whole life flashed in front of my eyes in a split second,” said a terrified Tendulkar to the reporters outside the team hotel.
“We are not sure how it managed to come up to the 12th floor where Tendulkar was staying. We are checking for prints on the lift and stairs. We assume there is a foreign hand behind this,” said Mumbai’s police commissioner.
BCCI president N Srinivasan added, “We are relieved that we don’t have to postpone the West Indies tour. Sachin’s 200th Test is still on. He has escaped unhurt.”
Embarrassed animal activists who arrived at the hotel were eager to know what animal it was that allegedly freaked out India’s biggest celebrity. Forest authorities had earlier confirmed that there was no report of any tiger, lion or leopard gone missing recently. Arnab Goswami rescheduled the News Hour to early morning and asked the police, “What animal was it? The nation wants to know!”
The Mumbai Police commissioner said, “It is one of the deadliest creatures known to mankind. It is a woman’s nightmare. A man’s fear. It can walk, it can hide, it can run, it can fly and can annoy the hell out of anyone. It was an 8-cm cockroach!”
Tendulkar was thankful to the almighty for keeping him alive. “I haven’t been so nervous ever. Not even when I’ve been batting on 99. My heart started beating faster; I remembered my kids, my family and my 200th Test. I don’t know how grateful I am to God, for still being able to talk to you guys here,” Tendulkar added.
Terrorist group Al-Keeda claimed responsibility for the attack on Tendulkar. They have threatened to deploy more cockroaches in the team hotels if their demands are not met. Out of the two cockroaches Al-Keeda had already deployed, one was killed by Sir Ravindra Jadeja single-handedly. The Government is considering to nominate Jaddu for this year’s bravery award.
Overseas players who are taking part in the Champions League T20 have expressed their security concerns and aren’t willing to continue playing the tournament unless the Government assures Z-class security. A reliable source from Cricket South Africa stated, “We are ready to host the Champions League if required. The India-South Africa tour is anyway not happening. The crowd can enjoy this at least.”
BCCI, however, rubbished claims that CLT20 will be moved out of India and assured fans that they have things under control. “We have rats deployed in all corners of the country to ensure cricketers’ safety. As a mark of remembrance, the CLT20 logo will be changed to that of a cockroach,” BCCI sources said.
DISCLAIMER: This is just a satire and should be taken in jest.