Satire: Scientific Theories in Cricket

Seriously, Science can be at times both interesting and boring. Personally, many theories in physics are so boring that no matter what, you sleep off. Even a Bangladesh vs Scotland match will be more interesting than studying quantum physics. So, what if cricketers have their own theories?

Any resemblance to any scientific theory is purely coincidental and is not purposefully done to torture students by introducing science in cricket.

1. Shahid Afridi – Rohit Sharma certainty principle:

Both are co-founders of the theory. The principle states that – “No matter what the situation of the match is, or rather whatever the chasing score is, we will not score more than 10 runs.” This theory has no exceptions, atleast for the founders. Some other cricketers who follow this theory are Gautam Gambhir, Chris Martin  and possibly half of the Bangladeshi batsmen.

2. Tiwary Exclusion Principle:

Manoj Tiwary is the sole founder of this theory. It states that “No matter what, one particular player will be excluded from the playing 11. The reason might be that the particular player plays so well that he might hurt the opposition team, or just because he is an unlucky charm for the team.” Mahendra Singh Dhoni applied this to the founder himself in an effective manner. Some other players who follow this theory are Chris Gayle (for perhaps 2 years) and Mohammad Kaif (Who is that?) etc.

3. Outsourcing Indian players Theory:

Many foreign teams are so jealous of the “Golden Indian team” that they have managed to accommodate many Indian players into their team to gain success. And surprisingly, the results have been pretty straight forward. England and South Africa have been the major teams to adopt this theory with players like Hashim Amla, Ravi Bopara, Monty Panesar and Samit Patel.

4. Rohit Sharma’s Law of Inertia:

Another theory by Rohit Sharma. It states that “No matter what the other players’ performance are, my place in the team is guaranteed unless an external player who is more “eligible” (in terms of scoring single digits) than me is present. Other players who follow this are Kamran Akmal, Shahid Afridi and Ravindra Jadeja (to an extent).

5. Sachin’s Theory of relativity:

God’s self made theory states that “No other player can have more records than me, and every other batting record will be compared to mine.” Well, only Sachin is the player against whom all other records are compared. Also, a Jadeja (not Ajay, it’s You-Know-Who) thinks that he can also be eligible for this theory (what a joke).

These are some cricketing theories. There might be many more to reveal!

 Disclaimer – This work is purely fictional and not meant to hurt anyone.