Satire: Social Media reacts to Indian team selection for World Cup

No Country for Old Men?

The probable Indian squad of 30 was announced yesterday sparking off a massive debate on social networking sites and beyond about the selection (or non-selection) of certain players in the preliminary squad.

“Gutted. Sad day for cricket. Most of the World Cup heroes do not find their way into the 30. How is it even possible? In such a short span? Is this the way to treat the seniors in the side? After all the things, they’ve done for us? Really expected at least Kapil Dev to make it to the preliminary squad, if not Sunil Gavaskar,” is what Whatsizneim had to say on the current team selection, adding that Abey Kuruvilla and Debashish Mohanty should have also been included in the squad.

Whatsizneim does have a point here. After all, this will be the first World Cup not featuring either of Sunil Gavaskar or the legendary Sachin Tendulkar.

CrassCacaphonix did not mince his words either: “This is all due to Dhoni. He made sure that no seniors made it to the squad. Clear case of having ulterior motives. Apart from being the captain of the Indian Test, ODI, T20 and Chennai Super Kings teams, the vice-president of India Cements, a former stakeholder in Rhiti Sports, he is now also the selector of our team. Even Sanjay Patel has admitted to this. This is absolutely blasphemous. In fact, I’m sure that malnutrition in Africa and the earthquake in Haiti was also Dhoni’s fault. Nothing to do with the weather or the performance of the individuals involved.”

One has to wonder if the laws of interpretation with respect to the BCCI secretary or world hunger were stretched to an extent, but then, nothing can prevail over public sentiment in our country.

“Of course, Zaheer, Yuvraj, Gambhir, Sehwag and Harbhajan Singh should have made the list. So what if they have played 79 matches in the last 4 years combined, lesser than what Raina or Kohli have played individually. After all their combined total is 1 match more than what Ashwin has. I was relaxed and expected them to waltz into the side like it is 2 April 2011 all over again. The fact that they were rarely selected and failed badly when they were was hardly an indicator of the fact that they would be dropped. I thought it was to shield their super powers and new techniques from their opponents, but they’ve actually been dropped,” adds a flabbergasted Mr. Wannabe Numbercruncher.

“It doesn’t really matter that Yuvraj averages below 20 since 2011, or that Zaheer and Harbhajan have played 12 games between them in the last 4 years. Not even the fact that Sehwag and Gambhir average below 25 with the bat in the last two years is of any relevance”, Vitalstatistix does the stats for us.

“Completely shocked by this decision. Comes as a huge, huge surprise. Look at the current team. After all, Rohit Sharma, Shikhar Dhawan, India’s current opening duo average a miserly 50 and 52 in the last couple of years. That really does not make them top class, does it? We should get back the ones in the 20s.”

“Yeah. I had done that”, Vitalstatistix sheepishly replies when asked if he made a Facebook post after Ambati Rayudu’s ton against Sri Lanka on why he should play the World Cup ahead of Rohit.

“I made a nice long post about how Rohit is inconsistent even though he averages over 50 in the last two years and has the record for the highest runs ever scored in a bilateral series. I even called him a flat track bully. Of course, Rayudu had made his century on a flat deck too. But what the hell, it’s only Rohit who is a flat track bully, Rayudu is class. But yeah, after that double century, all of a sudden he was my favourite again. But does that show I’m a fickle minded fan? Absolutely not. I love cricket. Big Fan. Come on Messi!”

Immaplasticfan has the final word to top the charts on this ever growing controversy: “Whaaaat? Yuvraj, Zaheer and other seniors are not in the squad for the World Cup? But they just recently won us the tournament. And who are these Ajinkya Rahanes and Kedar Jadhavs and this bowler with a bandana – Ashoke Dinda? What happened to Harbhajan? And that left-handed bowler. Who was he? Right. Ashish Nehra. What happened to these people? I don’t know much, I’ve hardly watched cricket recently. I am a cricket fan for 3 months every four years, you see. How is Tendulkar playing these days?”

In other news, it is now learnt that a section of fans are extremely happy after being told that the final team selection can be made outside the shortlisted 30.

“No, I did not know this. Then why select the probable list anyway? This is all a well staged drama, I’m sure. All 5 seniors will make the final 15 and Tendulkar will come out of retirement to lead India one last time. Of course, Sanjay Patel saying that it is almost impossible for a player to be selected outside of the 30 is mere fuel for the dramatic fire. Ohh, I’m so looking forward to the World Cup next year. Will even buy an India jersey. Yay! Will be so much of fun.”

NOTE: The characters and quotes in this article are fictional.