Satire: Why did Dhoni pick Harbhajan Singh?

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and is not to be taken seriously. All opinions expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the site.

A day prior to the first Test, when Dhoni confirmed that Harbhajan Singh would be a part of the playing XI, plenty of questions were raised. After the toss when Dhoni made it clear that Bhajji was picked at the expense of Ojha, who is perhaps India’s best bet in Test cricket, it made everyone wonder as to what it was that Harbhajan did to earn a place ahead of Ojha. Our reporters caught up with Dhoni and Bhajji to put an end to all the speculations.

“Cricket is driven by money. Our broadcasters, sponsors and the board lose out on a lot of revenue if the game ends before 5 days. The curator here is my good friend and the most knowledgeable curator in the whole of India. He did prepare a rank turner, before I even spoke to him. There was no way the game would enter Day 5 had we played Ojha and Ashwin together. N Srinivasan clearly told me that the game should last the distance. We needed someone who could give away some runs and also not take any wickets at the same time. Bhajji was our best bet. And the occasion beckoned his inclusion – Bhajji’s 100th Test. And we picked him,” said MS Dhoni.

“Well, of course, Srini sir has strictly advised me not to shake hands with the opposition captain before the stipulated end time on Day 5, even if the game is heading to a draw”, Mahi added.

Of course, Harbhajan Singh had a different story to tell. “It was a barter system between the BCCI and Cricket Australia. They asked Ponting to retire and also allowed him to play the IPL. And in return, they wanted me to be a part of the squad. It’s simple. Their people love me. The TRPs sky rocket with me around. But what they ignored is my talent and experience. I will not just increase their TRPs but also destroy them by picking as many wickets as possible”. As soon as Bhajji said that, our reporter failed to control his laughter and Bhajji slapped him.

To get a neutral perspective, we asked Sehwag the real reason behind Harbhajan’s selection. “Harbhajan made it through the Punjab quota. I was selected thanks to Delhi quota. CSK quota meant that Vijay, Ashwin and Jadeja got their chance,” Sehwag said.

However, nobody came up with the real reason why Harbhajan was included in the playing XI until Rohit Sharma came to our rescue. “We have a tradition in the dressing room – A lucky draw competition where we write down the names of 5 weaker players and pick one from the lot. Whichever name pops up, that player is included in the team. Dhoni used to ask me to prepare the lucky draw and I used to write my own name in all five pieces of paper. That’s the reason why I got so many chances. This time, the luck was with Harbhajan, I guess,” he said.