The Ashes 2013: The Ashes diary of Australia’s 13th man, Andrew Nother Mitchell #7

Yes, I know it’s been a quiet few days. We’ve all been reflecting, doing homework and occasionally getting pissed and throwing a ball for Shane to fetch. He loves it.

Actually, Shane has been the topic of a few meetings (and emails and fights and general exasperated conversations, but that’s another entry), and you might have read things about his Brisbane team mates giving their thoughts on what’s going on with him. Boof thought that was a good idea, so he has asked us all to either come up with some suggestions of our own.

Chris Hartley thinks it’s more in his head than anywhere else; James Hopes thinks Jimmy Anderson is just too good for him and Shane puts too much pressure on himself (and he gets to 20 so well, which is of the highest importance) and; Mitch Johnson doesn’t see anything technically wrong with what Shane is doing – you know,except that he keeps getting out lbw.

The group here have taken the above into account and would like to suggest that Shane does the following:

• remembers it is good to get to 20 well, but getting to 50 well is also pretty good. Getting to 100, well or otherwise, is preferred.
• goes to bed much earlier
• talks to us much less
• listens to One Direction less often
• stops pushing forward with the a bat too early i.e. watch the ball (it’s the hard red thing)
• doesn’t play against James Anderson
• Stays in QLD, where they apparently adore him
• doesn’t take batting advice from bowlers
• doesn’t get out lbw
• stops saying “because I’m a father …”
• tries not to run into Pup’s fist if he must keep saying “because I’m a father …”
• rethinks his career

This will all be fed back to Shane, but only after he’s had his warm milk tonight. Then we’ll put him to bed, lock his hotel room door and go out and get tanked.

Night all.

A. Nother Mitchell