Humour: You will hear from our lawyers, Sachin fans tell Ravi Shastri
Disclaimer: This is a humorous piece and should be taken with a pinch of salt.
An unfortunate moment during the 7th ODI, when Ravi Shastri made a factually incorrect statement about ‘Rohit Sharma being the 3rd human to have scored 200 runs in an ODI game’, has not gone well with master blaster Sachin Tendulkar’s followers. They are suspecting a strategic plan to belittle and relegate Sachin’s stature by including him in the league of human beings just before the God of Cricket is about to retire after playing his 200th Test against West Indies.
Sachin’s fans feel that those words about Sachin were insensitive and blasphemous. One of the fans who came forward on the condition of not disclosing his identity told us that this is not new; even when Sachin scored his 200 runs in ODI in Gwalior, Ravi said, “Sachin is the first human to do it on the planet and he is the superman from India”. The fans gave him the benefit of the doubt as they were dancing in the aisles and were overwhelmed. Comparing him with Superman was still OK as Superman is above human beings and possesses inhuman capabilities (though nowhere close to God of Cricket – Sachin Tendulkar), and also because of the fact that both of them give great importance to their crotch. Superman highlights it by wearing his briefs outside and Sachin never forgets adjusting his.
We know how Ravi Shastri’s metaphors are so cheesy that even our grandmas can predict what he is about to comment next; phrases such as -
1. That went like a tracer bullet
2. That’s what the doctor ordered for India
3. This game will go down to wire
4. In the end cricket is the winner
The problem with Ravi Shastri over the years has been that whatever he comments can quickly turn into his habit and those blasphemous words can become another metaphor for generations to come. As even the BCCI don’t have control over what he gibbers while holding the microphone in his hands, they have left him alone with his microphone. If it was Sidhu we would have overlooked it all, as most of us avoid watching cricket when he is on air and certainly switch off our TV sets when it is Rameez Raja trying to amuse us because cricket and sense take a back seat when they are on air. But with Ravi Shastri we can’t take that chance, hence we have decided to send him notice and appointed a lawyer to take this forward.
Sachin’s close aid also told us that Sachin is not too happy with what is happening in cricket these days, as so many records are broken in every ODI being played. He thinks this is concerning him and his legacy which he will leave behind. He is someone who has stands/pavilions named after him while he is still playing but can’t accept the fact that his records are about to be broken while he is on the verge of retiring. This is a grave concern and he is losing sleep over this which is even affecting Arjun Tendulkar who might not pursue cricket for a while and instead focus on his studies, as Sachin’s close aid.
Sachin also told his closest aid off the record that announcing the fact that his records can be broken by the Virats and Rohits has unnecessarily inspired them and they have taken it too seriously too quickly. “Otherwise after getting Virat out there was no need for Rohit to score 200 today just out of guilt because this happens all the time in cricket. No big deal”, Sachin said.
This young breed has also created concerns for BCCI and the cricket association of Kolkata and Mumbai as they have been working relentlessly to make Sachin’s farewell a life time event. But if records keep breaking at such pace, Sachin might deliberate his decision of bidding adieu to the game he has taken birth for.
Not further distracting from the unfortunate event i.e., the blasphemous comments from Ravi Shastri on God of Cricket will take centre stage in the coming few days while Sachin’s fan will propose to the MCA to implement a lifetime ban on Ravi Shastri. Whether that will happen or not, only time can tell.