[Satire] 5 reasons why Manchester United will beat Bayern Munich

Even David Moyes thinks the headline is funny

1. Bayern Munich have no instant noodle partner.

During half time,which is one snack which can be prepared in minutes,nutritious and tasty at the same time? Of course it is instant noodles. Thanks to Glazernomics,Manchester United have  an instant noodle partner in Mamee who will provide them free noodles during half time.

Look at the advert below,and you ll know why Manchester United is going thrash Bayern tomorrow.

http://youtu.be/TWe5KqZaLME

2. Fellaini’s hair

Well although Fellaini’s legs may struggle to man mark the likes of Lahm and Kroos,his hair can do the job effectively. If he stands before the tiny Philip Lahm,there is no way that Lahm will be able to complete a single pass. His vision will be entirely blocked by a mass of black curls,which are exactly the reason Moyes spent a bomb to buy Fellaini.

3. Rio Ferdinand is afraid to leave his house

Rio Ferdinand a few days revealed that he is afraid to go out of his house after a series of disastrous results. This means that even if he is selected,he won’t be turning up for the Bayern game and considering the way this season he has been defending,United are better off playing Anders Lindergaard at CB.

4. Alexander Buttner > Arjen Robben

Buttner-”I feel confident. I know what Arjen Robben can do and I am ready for him. This kind of game is why you play football. It is a chance for me to show what I can do. He’s a good player.”

Robben-”You only need to get distracted for a second and you lose against Manchester United,It’s going to be a tough duel and we’ve got to watch out”.

Now you can see who is afraid of whom. Alexander Buttner is supremely confident about handling Robben,where as the Bayern winger sounds nervous at the prospect of facing his countryman .Robben will be in Buttner’s back pocket the whole game and the left back may even get forward and grab a goal.

5. Last and the biggest reason why United will beat Bayern