Andre Villas Boas and the 'Negative Spiral'

2013 was a wacky year. While Luis Suarez transferred the sharpness of his teeth to his boots, and the greatest manager of the Premier League arrived, sorry, departed from Old Trafford, we decided to crown the real, deserving show stopper of the year instead and the one name that instantly sprang to our mind was the one synonymous with goal-scoring, winning mentality and top-4. You guessed it right, it’s our resident big club passenger Andre Villas Boas.

It’s not easy to achieve what the diminutive Portuguese has managed to do in the short span of his career. Being fired from two London clubs in succession requires the skill to land the job in the first place, which Villas Boas has in abundance.

He also guided Tottenham to the much revered fifth place finish and almost successfully did the same with Chelsea in the previous season. Perhaps it was his failure to stick to the fifth spot which resulted in his departure from the Spurs managerial position, which some inside sources tell us was his own decision as much as Daniel Levy’s, for he could not believe that he was expected to make a new squad with just a mere 110 million pounds. It was loose change. What he needed, and what Levy did not seem to understand, was a couple of Gareth Bales to replace the one that departed, for only two Gareth Bales could improve upon one.

Not only is this great young man a managerial genius, his tryst with Sir Bobby Robson, and more recently, the influence of the Special One has certainly helped him develop philosophical instincts. He successfully predicted that Spurs would better Arsenal last season, beating the hapless Gunners to the The Fifth Spot Trophy on the final day of the season. Inside sources tell us he was angry that he could not secure the finish earlier, but so is football.

Footballing matters aside, some conspiracy theorists believe that Villas Boas’s tongue has some magical powers – suspected of being alien – which can make whatever he speaks happen. They put forth the proof of his famous Negative Spiral comment which was made after his team totally romped over the Gunners in the North London Derby. Such was the effect of his words that even though the Gunners would later go on to win against the eventual European champions in their own backyard and would collect the most points of any team in the league in the calendar year, they would be unable to beat Tottenham to The Fifth Place Trophy, earning Villas Boas the last laugh over the much naïve Arsene Wenger.

Such was the scare of their local rivals in the heart of the Gunners that they invested 42.5 million pounds to secure the services of Mesut Ozil so that they can move higher up the table, as further away from The Fifth Place Trophy, as they could, forfeiting it to Tottenham without contest.

What speaks oceans about the fear that Villas Boas fills in his opponents’ minds is how even after his departure from the club, Arsenal are still clinging tight to the top spot, like a man falling from the window clings to the ledge, afraid of falling down, not wanting to indulge Tottenham in a fight for The Fifth Place Trophy ever again.

As they say, there is only one Andre Villas Boas.