[Humour] If football fans were like their teams
Qualities define us. How we behave in front of others is the trademark by which people know us for everything we do echoes between the walls of eternity. Similarly, in football, how the players, manager and board of a certain team behave also defines the image of the club.
Some clubs are known for their lavish approach in the transfer market, while some others for their overly-defensive tactics and some for their better-than-thou attitude.
So what if fans behaved like the clubs they support? Here, we let our wildest imaginations run without boundaries.
Chelsea Fans
Their philosophy in life: the entire universe is on one side, while they are on the other – trying to stop the rest from bringing them down because the universe is jealous of their success.
And they do it by parking the bus in front of them. You see, the bus is their shield – they protect themselves from the evil attempts of the world to invade their homes and snatch their happiness away from them.
The bus. It is to them what the shield is to Captain America. They are a peaceful bunch of people because they don’t attack the others, rather just defend themselves and their assets – assets which were won using oil money.
Once upon a time, they were penniless – wandering around with their humble accessories and scrapping something once in a very long while. One day, they met their savior – a man with oil and oil in this world means money, just ask USA – and he offered to give them some of his money.
And all he asked in return was their soul and they sold it to him without hesitation.
The rest, as they say, is history – something which they didn’t have before that oil man offered to become their guardian. Under the guard of the oil man, they bought THE BUS that stands in front of their home as their shield. That bus brought them a lot of joy and success.
However, with happiness comes gloom too, that is the nature of life. When the evil forces the world successfully block glory from entering their house, the bus driver gets fired and a new driver is brought in to display his parking skills.
Such is the life of Chelsea fans. They throw money to solve problems and whine when they don’t get solved.
Barcelona Fans
Half of the world’s mushroom trade is overseen by them; they just love picking mushrooms. Another thing they excel is at levelling grass. Have a barren field and want to grow mushrooms on it? Have a garden with uneven patches of grass? Simply pick up your phone call the nearest Barca fan.
They are also a bunch of people who live by playing passing-the-pillow – they never lose this game. If multiple Cules play this game, it ends up in a tie simply because all of them are masters at passing. They are a group of highly successful people because they not only work hard themselves, but also make sure that their home-grown children are groomed strongly enough to face the atrocities of the world.
However, they don’t like paying taxes and buy things illegally. Their fraudulence is almost always caught because they don’t know how to keep their misdoings a secret. Every now and then, they buy expensive toys, but blame their rivals for doing the same.
They also have a holier-than-thou mentality because they have been the most successful people of this millennium. They always win or the others cheat their way to victory, they never lose.
And, finally, they genuinely believe that the Earth doesn’t rotate around the Sun, the Sun rotates around their homes.
Manchester United Fans
The chewing gum loving people of this world. They call themselves the Red Devils probably because they think it is cool and hipster, which it isn’t. They are supposed to be the most successful people in history, but a brush with Moyesocrity has left them looking for a Van to take them uphill.
They are like that student who doesn’t study until it is a day before the exams and does pretty well at it too.
They love themselves as well hate themselves (or, more specifically, the Glazers). They are of the opinion that they have the right to be arrogant because of the amount of success they have had – and it is one of the reasons why they disrespect their rivals more than Indian people disrespect Rahul Gandhi.
There was once a time when they were the best of England. Most of the credit for that success goes to the astute leader they had at that time. His tomato-like face inflicted terror of failure in their hearts and that made them give it all to achieve success.
However, after he became a pensioner, there has been less chewing gum and more chewing the winning mentality of the people. They have hired a Dutch foreman to lead them to the glories of old. So far, he has yelled them back to discipline. What happens next is only a wild guess.