Manchester City vs Tottenham: A clash of two failing managers

If you can’t be good, convincing other people that you are is a useful, alternative skill.  Tom Cruise is aware of this, anyone who’s worked in an office for any period of time is aware of this, and Andre Villas-Boas and Manuel Pellegrini are probably both probably close to the same conclusion.

Quietly, their teams have started the season inadequately. Tottenham have dropped points in five of eleven league games this season, after spending over a hundred million pounds in the summer. With a big platform to get it right, Villas-Boas has created a team which has only won by more than one goal in the league twice this season. Only God knows where they’d be if a sequence of mildly dubious penalties hadn’t been converted by Roberto Soldado. Or perhaps anyone who can apply simple maths to the relatively uncomplicated league table.

Tottenham are seventh. Manchester City under Pellegrini are one place behind them, in eighth, having spent a similar amount of money in the summer, but in doing so actually adding on to an already record-breakingly expensive squad. They’re even worse.

And yet, they’ve been ‘quietly’ inadequate. The two managers have overseen easy-going collapses – the kind that don’t scream loud enough that anyone writing for a newspaper or presenting Match of the Day really notices or cares about. For this, they demand admiration. City are eighth! Roberto Mancini was pillared throughout his time as City manager for being slip-ups far less significant than that. David Moyes has parried far more criticism than Villas-Boas despite having a squad which is broadly comparable. How has this happened?

Both of these managers have managed to convince the world that they are doing fine, even when they’re not, because they have the veneer of competence. When they talk, they don’t seem thick, so they’re not easy to write off like that. Their losses are placed in the context of past-successes that someone like Moyes doesn’t have, so there’s always the suspicion that they’ll turn it around. And also, of course, cleverest of them both: nobody especially cares about their two clubs, apart from their own fans, so it takes quite a lot to notice them.

Having unveiled that big and clever secret, now to the next: City and Spurs play each today. The manager and team that wins will probably be able to carry on the idea that they aren’t doing badly enough to talk about for a while longer – or maybe even, though let’s not get too ahead of ourselves, stop doing badly altogether. The loser may well see the end of the ‘quiet failure’ phase, and move into a new, noisier phase, which they will find less fun, one would imagine.

Tactically, the game breaks down into one clear question: which team has best replaced their Gareth B? Tottenham lost Bale in the summer, whilst City conveniently misplaced Barry: on Sunday, we find out who misses who most. If your guess is anything but Spurs missing Bale most, you have the wrong guess. Whilst Bale was the goalscoring midfielder who won games on his own last season, Barry was the non-goalscoring midfielder who did not win games on his own last season. Whilst Bale…etc and so on.

Hopefully, amongst all the debate about who’s better, Barry or Bale – we’ve all had it, haven’t we? – this could also be an exciting game. If Villas-Boas finally allows his Spurs team to open – maybe starts Erik Lamella and partners Moussa Dembele in central midfield with Paulinho – then there’s no reason for them to be scared of City, even at the Etihad. There’s definitely goals in the City defence – in a bad way.

But yes, ultimately, we’re measuring out who can continue their fraudulent season longer: Villas-Boas or Pellegrini. Which one do people start to notice is doing badly first?