SATIRE: FC Barcelona unveil iconic gallery
Barcelona´s midfielder Andrés Iniesta celebrates a goal against Chelsea during their Champions League semi-final, second-leg match against at the Stanford Bridge in London, May 6, 2009
FC Barcelona have announced via their official website that they will be unveiling a montage of famous clips dedicated to the pivotal moments that shaped the Guardiola Era which brought so much success to the club, laying down a foundation of principles for the club’s future. The collage will herald some iconic moments from 2008-2012 to be etched into Barcelona history forever. Journalists were given a gist of some of these critical highlights, to quote the President of Barcelona FC Sandro Rosell:
“Guardiola has enriched us with great memories from a glorious era and a team shaped in his image. This is a tribute to the man and to the individuals that enabled Barcelona to scale European dominion, the likes of which will never be seen again. I would like to thank Pep for everything he has done for this great club both as a player and manager and Michel Platini for his unparalleled support without which FC Barcelona wouldn’t be 4-time Champions League winners. I thank you all for coming and cordially invite you to the grand opening.”
The list of critical moments was later released to the press with a brief description of what it meant to the club via a press release. They are as follows:
1. Tom Henning Ovrebo’s legendary night at the Bridge
This official should be lauded with praise as he triggered our European success. Despite playing like Lions at the Camp Nou and taking the lead with a wonder Michael Essien goal at Stamford Bridge, it was not Chelsea but our Catalonia boys that deserved the victory. Tom’s heroic sacrifice of his refereeing career to deny Chelsea five clear penalties enabled us to sneak in with a late Andres Iniesta equaliser. Michel Platini was instrumental in giving an inexperienced referee from a lowly Norwegian league a game of such high magnitude only to make him a scapegoat. We didn’t deserve to reach the final but he made sure we did. Tom, you are a matyr and will never be forgotten.
2. Franck de Bleeckere’s heroic performance at the Camp Nou
This individual will also go down as one of the greatest in Barcelona history despite being unable to guarantee victory. In that must-win encounter against the traitor Jose Mourinho’s Inter Milan, he single-handedly changed the course of the game by rewarding Sergio Busquets’ incredible acting skills by sending off Thiago Motta, almost ensuring Inter’s demise. Sadly, it was not to be as our heroes could not overturn the 3-1 deficit incurred in the first leg at the San Siro as we lacked the capacity to fix that game too.
We didn’t let those Italians celebrate though as our goalkeeper Victor Valdes literally man-handled Jose after the final whistle and our erstwhile groundsmen turned the sprinklers on to deny any further celebrations. The Italians though are a feisty folk.
3. Wolfgang Stark deals with the TRAITOR
Real Madrid stood in our way on the road to our 2011 Champions League triumph and a formidable combination of Cristiano Ronaldo and Jose Mouinho (traitor!) greeted us at the semi finals. A tight game was completely opened up by this next legend who aided yet another Oscar display from Dani Alves by giving Pepe the marching orders. Sir Wolfgang Stark even went onto send off that Portuguese scum Jose Mourinho to the stands. We beat Madrid, made it to the finals and destroyed Man United to win our 4th Champions League title. We don’t particularly like the Germans but Barcelona FC loves Wolfgang Stark.
4. Massimo Busacca guns down the Gunners
The Swiss official carried on the integral mantra of the Guardiola Era: ‘Whenever Barcelona look into the face of possible defeat, a referee saves the day’. 2011′s Champions League success began with the much fancied Arsenal in the Round of 16. They were top of the Premier League and were playing the best football in Europe. We lost 2-1 at the Emirates and were staring into the possibility of being knocked out so early. But Busacca saved the day by risking his refereeing credentials and integrity by sending off Robin van Persie for absolutely nothing in one of the most bizarre incidents in European football history. Arsenal were favourites to go through, but just like the above mentioned, there was always another legendary official to save our skin.
He dished out five yellow cards to Arsenal and didn’t book any Barcelona player. It’s good to note that we have never lost a game when he has been in charge.
The world “Legend” is overused these days but this man earns the title.
This press release was refreshingly dishonest in its depiction of events but nevertheless, the journalistic community salutes Sandro Rosell for confirming our doubts in Michel Platini’s blatant misuse of power be it in the Ballon d’Or rigging or referee manipulation which has been so obvious comforting Barcelona exactly when they faced a precarious situation.
There have also been conflicting reports that Barcelona are in the process of commissioning the erection of a statue named “The Awesome Foursome” similar to the United Trinity statue at Old Trafford. No, the statue will not have Pep, Messi, Iniesta and Xavi but will depict the above mentioned officials standing in tandem.
VIVA LA BARCELONA!
Disclaimer: This is a piece of fiction written with humorous intent, and should be taken in jest.