Satire: Roman Abramovich's diary

3rd January:

Dear Diary,

This sucks. I had a feeling that my pocket was a few million lighter and I was absolutely correct. Dasha had told me that Emenalo had come by earlier when I was away and taken the 7 million lying on the dresser. Without my permission. I’m sure you remember what happened to the last person who did something without my permission. He apparently doesn’t like the Russian weather.

The excuse he gave to her was even more infuriating. He apparently wanted to buy some kind of sheep. Not a flock of sheep, but just one for 7 million! He even said something about Drogba. I have a funny feeling about all this. When I told him about getting Rafa a new striker, I had a feeling that he’s looking into some advanced kind of sheep that can replace Fernando. Don’t think any kind of terrestrial animal can do a worse job than him! I hope Dasha isn’t fibbing and buying some more of that Polish make-up. Everyone knows the Russians are best in making petroleum products!

First thing, tomorrow morning, I need to talk to Emenalo and his latest fad in investing more money than he will ever earn on domesticating animals. Someone has to get that Brazilian, Luiz-wannabe’s head straight. Russian oil money doesn’t grow on trees. Does he really need a side-business worth 7 million when he is already earning a fat pay-check for stealing youngsters and luring them with candies from other youth academies?

4th January:

Dear Diary,

Well, how was I supposed to know that Emenalo was actually heeding my own advice of buying a new striker when his impeccable Brazilian accent went right through Dasha’s Russian brain? Saying Ba thrice in a row gives you no other hint than referring to a catchy nursery rhyme. For a moment, I thought Drogba was returning but even I couldn’t dream of a fairy tale like that.

I should probably go and console Fernando before Ba shows up in the training ground and scares the Macarena out of him. He must be practising his shots again. God knows what for, but his confidence should be quite high since Rafa told Petr to let all the shots go in. Even then there were a few mishaps as Marin was injured for another 6 months from a wandering ball hitting him on his mythical hamstring. Might have to a order a Russian hamstring for him as these Chinese ones never work when needed.

Apparently, African strikers perform well at Chelsea and I hope that Demba Ba is another Drogba. Oh and that reminds me, I need to talk to Fernando about his contract extension as well before I finish this fine bottle of imported vodka.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and is not to be taken seriously.