Sir Ravindra Jadeja to manage Manchester United

In a stunning media revelation in Manchester on Monday, it was revealed that the new manager of renowned football club Manchester United will be none other than Ravindra Jadeja.

Owner of Manchester United, N Srinivasan Malcolm Glazer confirmed the news to a packed Old Trafford (the football stadium, not the cricket one) press conference. “Yes, yes. David Moyes was just a ruse. We just used that to trick the public while we finished our deal”, Glazer said.

When quizzed about Jadeja’s lack of footballing knowledge, let alone managingexperience, Glazer was swift in his reply. “Apparently this man mastered Bach’s symphonies in seven months, solved Einstein’s Grand Unified Theory when he was 4, and won a T20 match despite getting caught out when he was 23. Surely a man like that can handle the simple task of managing a ruddy football team!”, he said, before also deciding to make Tandoori Chicken the official snack of the team (just to troll Blackburn).

While Jadeja could not be contacted for comment, his Chennai Super Kings captain was cheeky as ever on Twitter.

While football fans have reacted angrily (as usual), the cricket world was more erudite (as always) in its reaction.

“I must say this is quite unusual. But a bit of cross-vertical experience is not a bad idea”, said a man who we instantly identified as an HR manager from Tata Consultancy Services.

“Ha, this is awesome. Now we can get any legend to coach or manage in any other sport.”, said a wicked youngster in Bangalore. “For example, I’m sure Mike Tyson can give Luis Suarez a few more biting tips. No one better than Mario Ballotelli to coach Pakistan’s cricket team. Michael Schumacher can help Shahid Afridi with his many retirements.”

“Why stop at legends from other sports?”, sparked up another young gent, who’d been smoking some good stuff. “College dropouts like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates can coach that bunch of Australians who were sacked because they didn’t do their homework. Aamir Khan, who has one performance every year, can coach Rohit Sharma. Eddie van Halen, a guitarist so old that his own son plays in his band with him, can coach Sac….” (At this point, the writer of this satire piece was whisked away by rabid passionate fans of a certain cricketer)

Ravindra Jadeja, in the meantime, has taken to county cricket. He scored a quintuple century for Sussex while playing for Nottinghamshire against Kent. While still on the flight.