Tale of the Tabs – Sunday August 18th
Luis Suarez – A no go!
The start of the Premier League season has obviously taken plenty of attention away from our favourite rumour mongers and with Luis Suarez joining Cesc Fabregas on the (probably) not moving list, we are left with just Gareth Bale and Wayne Rooney to discuss sensibly/wildly lie about* (*delete as appropriate).
The fact of the matter is that after a solid two months of consistent speculation, we are seeing very few of the predicted transfers actually take place. Those of you with a decent memory will recall that both Isco and Thiago were ‘set to join’ City and United respectively and look what happened there. Truth be told, the tabloids have only a couple of weeks to redeem themselves from what has been a poor summer. Let’s see how they fare this week, shall we?
The Sun
The paper greets us with the startling news that Frank Lampard wants Chelsea to sign Wayne Rooney. That’s all well and good Frank, I, for example want Chael Sonnen to make Shogun Rua tap out in the 1st round of the UFC but it’s not going to… oh wait, it did.
Actually, I want St.Mirren to attract 4700 hardy souls to Love Street but it doesn’t mean that…oh wait, they did.
Scrap that, I want United to sign a midfielder. The point is Frank, just because you want something doesn’t always mean you’re going to get it, does it?
The Sun take a different line of course, sycophantically hanging on Lampard’s every word and creating a headline from it – quelle surprise. Hidden away on the inside pages, there is a story that Arsenal will need to find £25m to tempt Michu away from Swansea and that Tottenham and Southampton are both chasing Roma’s striker, Pablo Osvaldo (Editor note – they got it right!!!).
The entertaining story of the week has Malaga and Espanyol courting the forgotten David Bentley, although how the Malaga fans would react to Bentley as their replacement for Isco is anyone’s guess!
The People
The strategy of the paper seems to be “When you are struggling for a story, turn to Alan Nixon”. The big man obliges with one that is absurd, even by his own high standards. Apparently, Chelsea are planning a final £40m bid this week for Wayne Rooney, which isn’t inconceivable and gives us the obligatory Rooney reference, so good work.
It’s downhill thereafter from ‘Nicko’ as he goes on to claim that if this offer gets rejected, they will go on to bid for Robert Lewandowski. The same Lewandowski who is universally recognised as signing for Bayern Munich next summer and who has just been awarded a pay rise for his final season with Dortmund. All of this information about Lewandowski has been reported pretty thoroughly across written and social media, but obviously not in the crazy world of Alan Nixon.
Further stories see Leandro Damiao shockingly linked with someone who isn’t called Tottenham Hotspur. Instead, Liverpool of all teams are taking an interest. Further nonsense sees Nicklas Helenius as a target for Real Madrid and that Sunderland are again after Charis Mavrias, just as they seem to be every other week.