Humour: 5 things that would save West Indies Cricket from oblivion
"This is a piece of fiction written for humorous purposes and should be taken in jest."The West Indies have been struggling in international Cricket for quite some time now. Barring the occasional flashes of brilliance, akin to their World Twenty20 triumph in 2012, they really haven’t dished out anything worthy to write home about.The Australians in particular, have been severe on them this past year. Under Michael Clark, they posted wins by 9 wickets and 277 runs respectively in the two test matches in the Caribbean. And in the Australian summer, Steven Smith took over and with a band of chirpy youngsters handed a clueless pack of West Indians an almighty spanking that won’t be forgotten in a hurry.That the West Indies team is in turmoil would be an understatement. Their young yet talented skipper constantly roots for fairer wages while their coach laments the unavailability of star players. And on the field, their players just aren’t able to sustain the tempo long enough to put up a fight in the longer version of the game.The West Indies are now but a shadow of their illustrious and world-beating ancestors. And as their Cricket Board huddles up to find ways and means to inject life into their system, I did some brainstorming of my own. Given that the challenge on hand is out of the ordinary – remember, we’re literally trying to grow cricketing arms and limbs back again – the remedial measures ought to be equally path-breaking.So I took the path less traversed and conjured up five ideas that can be summoned up should all else in the routine mold of “tried and tested” fail.
#5 Turn Usain Bolt into a lean, mean fast bowler
So Usain Bolt might just hang up his spikes after the Rio Olympics this year. He would have just turned 30 and with millions stashed away in the bank, he can walk away into the sunset as the most decorated athlete of all time. What a pity - some might say – for he would still have the muscles to chug along a bit longer.
Headlines might even call the event “the day athletics died”. Just as obituaries start trickling in for track and field, why not cash in on all the time that Bolt will have to spare having quit sprinting. Has anyone thought of draping him up in white, handing the man a leather ball and turning him into a West Indian test cricketer?
What an event that would be. While the world of athletics mourns, Cricket would rejoice and West Indies in particular. Let’s just give life to this far-fetched thought for one fleeting moment.
It’s been well documented that years before stunning the world with his electric speed, Bolt played Cricket as a pace bowler. At 30 and presumably having just finished another successful Olympic campaign, the Jamaican would undoubtedly be in great physical shape. Bowling lessons and a few weeks in the nets and you never know – we might just have ourselves the fastest bowler in the world.
And what a revolution that would spur. A home series against a visiting Afghanistan side could feature Bolt making his debut to a packed Sabina Park. The crowds would sit on each other’s laps and crawl upon one another to get a glimpse of the sprinter turned cricketer.
The broadcasters and advertisers would queue up to buy rights and slots for the telecast. Corporations would wage a battle to have their logos printed on the shirt that would flutter in the mini-dust storm that Bolt would stir up as he chases a ball down to long-off. And needless to say, the struggling West Indian Cricket Board would lap up the sudden deluge of cash with glee to fill their coffers.
Bolt himself would perhaps love the idea. He has for long professed his love for other sports and football in particular while hinting at the latter as a possible post-retirement pastime. While his memory is still fresh, someone ought to entice him with a Cricket-bug.
He could simply amble up to the crease and with an innocuous action, conjure up some serious pace. With the occasional effort-over, he could surely have the batsmen paying attention to their headgear while strapping up. And he could make a jolly good outfielder as well. Like a cheetah, he could make a boundary-raiding look more like a jog on the beach.
With Bolt playing Cricket, the ripple effects would be felt across the Caribbean islands. Boys would trade their spikes for pads and fast-bowling would be back in vogue again. Cricket would climb up the popularity ladder once again and “sprint factories” would turn into factories churning out fast bowlers.
Usain Bolt could just be the catalyst that West Indies Cricket needs. A messiah that could lead them out of the doldrums. If he could show the Jamaicans that they could sprint their way out of poverty, he might as well do to their Cricket what the movie Cool Runnings did to the sport of bobsleigh in Jamaica.