"I got to the breaking point in 2014 where I didn't want to be alive" - Michael Phelps on dealing with depression and getting 'vulnerable' in recovery
Michael Phelps has shed light on going through depression during his career and disclosed how he slowly but surely recovered.
With a total of 28 medals to his name, Phelps is the most successful and decorated Olympian of all time. The former American swimmer holds the Olympic records for gold medals (23), gold medals in individual events (13), and medals in individual events (16).
Despite all the highs in his life, Phelps shocked the world a few years back when he opened up about suffering with depression. He spoke about questioning his athletic prowess and his battles with anxiety and suicidal thoughts.
Phelps recently took part in a US Open Mental Health Forum in New York, where he shared his journey from being depressed to fighting his demons and coming out stronger.
"I think for me my mental health journey started probably back in 2004. I think that's really when I experienced post-Olympic depression. I came off this high from the Olympic Games and kind of got to the edge. I was, like, 'What do you do? Where do we go from here? The Olympics are finished'," he said at a press conference.
"So the only thing I did was get back into the pool. Started training again. Stuffed all of those things down, compartmentalized those things. Over time they got bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. They just kept showing their face. I kept pushing, pushing, pushing. I got to the breaking point in 2014 where I didn't want to be alive. For me, I decided that something had to change," he continued.
"So for me, I had to become vulnerable for the first time in my life. 'Vulnerable' is a very scary word. Change is a scary thing. So for me to become vulnerable for the first time ever was a process, a learning process," he added.
Michael Phelps: "My No. 1 mission right now is just trying to help people that are suffering like we have"
Michael Phelps hopes to help others dealing with the same issues that he dealt with by speaking about them and removing the stigma associated with them.
"That process has given me the chance to now be able to talk about the things that I've gone through and hopefully save a life. That's my No. 1 mission right now is just trying to help people that are suffering like we have," he said.
Phelps further stated fans reaching out to him on social media touched him deeply. He thanked everyone who had sent out well wishes since he first revealed he was suffering from depression and had suicidal thoughts.
"I'll just say to you, since we're sitting here, how you compose your words and posted them on social, to me, it sends chills up my body right now thinking about it. We don't know how many people we're saving by those messages but I guarantee you there are people out there that are reading that stuff that you're saving, that you saved. Still to this day, it was so moving. So thank you for doing that. Thank you for sharing that," he said.