Alex Rants on RAW: March 27, 2017
This was it. WWE’s final chance to sell the RAW feuds for WrestleMania. If there was ever an episode of RAW for WWE’s creative department to really go crazy and make the show as memorable and discussion-worthy, it was this one. And it ended with a whimper.
It seems like everything this week went in baby steps. There was no real shocking or spectacular moment, nothing that really turned the tides for anyone involved in any feud leading into WrestleMania. It was almost as if it was one big game of ‘tit-for-tat’, where one side gets the upper hand one week and on the subsequent episode it’s the opposite.
There were a lot of mistakes in this episode, so let’s get to it. And with that, let the rant begin.
On the final RAW before WrestleMania, we opened with – you guessed it – a promo to hype one of the matches. Unfortunately, WWE simply hasn’t realised two things with these four combatants. First, some wrestlers do not excel in scripted promos, and Bayley is one of them.
Her promo delivery was bad and the script sounded unnatural. She’s much better and talking from the heart and saying something personal (as long as it doesn’t involve her childhood. We get it Bayley; you were a fan of WWE growing up).
Second, some people should not cut promos at all, and Nia Jax fits into that category. It’s hard to take her seriously when she speaks with that voice. Her voice doesn’t match her physique. Remember that moment on SmackDown some years ago when Tyler Reks and Kaval exchanged words? No? Well, here you go:
It was a brief moment of utter strangeness. Tyler Reks looked like a caveman of sorts, yet his voice made him sound like an average person and not as an intimidating force. Kaval, meanwhile, was one of the smallest wrestlers on the roster at the time, yet his voice was so much deeper.
It was one of those moments where you thought to yourself, ‘shouldn’t they switch voices?’
This principle applies to Nia Jax as well. Her voice doesn’t sound like it belongs to a monster that’s one second away from tearing you to pieces. It sounds like that of an angry mother about to scold her children for bickering in the backseat of the family station-wagon.
Clearly, Nia’s someone who’d benefit from a mouthpiece or a manager; someone to do the talking for her so that she can pretend she’s the female Brock Lesnar and stand around looking intimidating. That would do so much more for her than talking like everyone else would.
The next segment of note involved everyone’s favourite harpy, Stephanie McMahon, who berated Sami Zayn once again, this time for still supporting Mick Foley. But why would Zayn want to stick up for Foley when, historically, Mick was just as vocal a critic of Zayn’s, if not more so than Stephanie?
Shouldn’t he also focus less on supporting certain people because that brings about Stephanie’s wrath?
Also, what is the payoff with this rivalry between Zayn and Stephanie? She’s been making him look bad for months, and has said so several times. Yet how and when are fans supposed to believe otherwise?
On the rare occasion that Zayn actually wins? And how is that possible when most of his wins are either against low-card guys, and his few big wins are via the dreaded roll-up or shenanigans?
Zayn either needs a change of scenery or the Stephanie McMahon regime needs a revolution.
The next thing of note was Triple H’s promo, and from the words he chose to use, it was so easy to tell that was Vince McMahon talking through him. From his comments about being a billionaire to the fans being jealous, it felt like yet another dig at the fans courtesy of Vince McMahon.
At the same time, there was a kernel of truth in it. When Triple H said, ‘you have to grab life by the throat and screw everyone else’, that was a very appropriate comment that demonstrated Vince’s mindset.
His stubbornness when it comes to listening to others and his insistence on doing things his way have both been notable, and through this promo, we got the message: he does think that way indeed.
I had no idea why they wasted such a long time to have like twelve people come out, only to be manhandled by the Big Show for this segment. It would’ve made much more sense to have the roles reversed, with Strowman being the one in the ring eliminating people to show everyone what’s to come at WrestleMania.
Instead, we have Big Show looking strong, which doesn’t make sense considering he’s retiring next year (given that his contract expires in February of 2018).
The next issue was the announcement regarding a ‘live performance’ at WrestleMania.
There will be several people making musical performances at WrestleMania, among them, Pitbull and Flo Rida. Now, I for one have two problems with this. First, WrestleMania is not going to be set up to have ideal acoustics, so any live performance, regardless of whom it is, will sound much worse live.
Second, WrestleMania 33 has thirteen matches already, and now they’re going to extend that with musical performances?
By people that many hardcore wrestling fans don’t even like? This is getting ridiculous. It’s almost as if WWE’s being intentional in their campaign to focus less on wrestling quality and more on throwing in as much random content in their as much as possible. If this is their long-term strategy, I fear for this company, I really do.
The Undertaker/Roman Reigns segment was done well, though ‘Taker’s video wasn’t as dramatic as it could’ve been. The delivery didn’t have that same level of psychology to it, which prevented it from being any better than it could’ve been.
On the other hand, Reigns’ delivery was much better, as he sounded more aggressive and apathetic to others than normal. This is something that WWE could work with if they give it time to develop.
After another fun match between Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn, we got the final RAW segment before WrestleMania. It was a Brock Lesnar promo that also featured Paul Heyman, which was interrupted by Goldberg. It was at this point that things really went off the rails in terms of being unrealistic.
Brock Lesnar was felled by one single spear. It wasn’t even one of the better Goldberg spears. Heck, even Roman Reigns has pulled off better spears than this one, yet this was enough to keep Lesnar down. It looked incredibly fake and hard to believe, which only further prevented this from being the proper segment it could’ve been.
Worse, the cynics out there (of which there are many), could see this being yet another example of the classic WWE booking philosophy, where, ‘the one that looks weak on TV will win on PPV’. With this segment, that became clearer than ever before with this feud.
For those of you expecting a rollercoaster of a final RAW, I’m sorry to say but that as not the case. This RAW felt as average as any, lacking in any major moments or matches. It was an average RAW, which isn’t saying a lot given the red brand’s track record as of late.
As a final side note, for those of you who fancy yourself alcohol connoisseurs, you should’ve taken a shot of your favourite poison every time the words ‘ultimate thrill ride’ were spoken during this show. Had you done so, one of two things would’ve happened.
One, it would’ve made the show much more enjoyable for you. Or two, you wouldn’t have made it through the entire show and thus missed, well, not much, really.
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