Casting 5 WWE Superstars in a Final Fantasy VII movie
After half a decade of anticipation - and nearly 15 years since the original launched for the Sony PlayStation - Square Enix's PlayStation 4 remake of their classic Final Fantasy VII has been released.
The critics - including yours truly, as well - have all been raving about this new take of one of the most influential video games of all time, and the players have responded in kind. And, with the majority of the world's population stuck at home, needing something to kill the time with, a 40-50 cinematic-style RPG is just what the infectious disease specialist ordered.
With the Final Fantasy VII Remake slowly becoming one of 2020's cultural touchstones - and with Hollywood going to need to start cranking out films once things are back to normal, it's not unreasonable to think that some movie studios would turn to properties that are already on the minds of audiences.
In 2018, Square Enix helped produce a fairly successful film based on another one of their properties - Tomb Raider. For that film, however, the game publisher turned to Hollywood heavyweights Warner Bros. Studios to produce and distribute the picture.
My point being that, considering how ambitious a film based on a title with one of the most complex plotlines in video game history would have to be, chances are that - and no disrespect intended - WWE Studios are probably not the production company that would be first on the list of potential developers.
On the other hand, we're going to pretend they are, anyway, because that sounds like a fun thing to talk about.
So buckle up, all you fine folks living smack-dab in the middle of that Venn diagram of both gamers and WWE fans - we're going to take a look at who we would cast in this most epic of video games movies out of the current crop of WWE Superstars.
Before we begin, if you're not entirely familiar with the story of the original game, here's a seven-minute-long summary of the story and characters.
#5. Barret Wallace, as played by Mark Henry
Over the course of his WWE Hall of Fame career, former World Heavyweight Champion and "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry has shown the WWE faithful plenty of different sides of himself. He's been the driven competitor, never backing down from a challenge.
He's also been a ruthless and uncaring monster, sending his opponents into his own "Hall of Pain" in order to win Championships and accomplish his goals. On top of that, he's also shown he can be light-hearted and silly and not take himself too seriously.
Barret Wallace, the leader of the environmentalist group AVALANCHE, fits that mold, too. When he first begins working with the game's hero, Cloud Strife, he doesn't trust him in the least.
While Cloud, early on, clearly demonstrates that he's more than capable of handling himself on the game's missions to help cripple the game's villainous Shinra Electric Power Co., you get the sense that Barret would have no qualms about leaving Cloud to die in a volley of missile fire if it meant the success of the mission.
But, Barrett is also a loyal friend, loving adoptive father and a guy who can crack a joke here and then when the occasion calls for it - much like Mark Henry himself. After all, Henry's friendship with both his fellow Nation of Domination members, as well as his fellow former World Heavyweight Champion The Big Show, is well-documented.
And he's always been an attentive father to the hand that he fathered with Mae Young.
Henry may be technically retired from the WWE ring but, in this alternate scenario, he's still full in the fight to protect the planet's Lifestream!
Other candidates: Big E and Titus O'Neal