Research by "Tee En Ay" scientists shows wrestling fans' IQ drops greatly after MITB
This is a humourous article, not to be taken seriously.
Research conducted by a group of scientists known as “Tee En Ay” shows that the annual decline of wrestling fans’ IQ can be confirmed for this year as well.
Although specific numbers were not releaved, the group, led by Deeksee Kartar, have stated that even the very small IQ of the generally illogical wrestling fan has declined yet again, and that this has been happening since 2005.
“It comes as no surprise,” said Erik Yung, one of the scientists involved. “After all, every man in the ladder match is portrayed as uneducated.”
The team presented evidence that Money In The Bank ladder matches alone were the reason for the general stupidity among wrestling fans.
“From 2005 to 2010, the annual decline would be around April, or the end of March, but since then it’s been around June or July,” claimed Velvett Skai. “2010 was the worst. There was a fall in April and also in July, it was one of the worst years for any fan.”
“We can point to one instance in 2012 when a man named John Cena won by hitting briefcase against a giant thing’s head, and it broke itself free,” said Curt Angel. “This would imply that it is easy to break. So why does it seem so hard to obtain the prize?”
The group of scientists believes that wrestling fans, with or without Money In The Bank, are half-wits in any case, believing that the only way to communicate is either with a camera in the room or through microphones so everyone can listen, and that the only way to settle any difference is to wear tights, oil each other up, and try to make the other person give up or keep their shoulders on the ground for three seconds, inside a squared circle, in front of a large audience.
"There isn't exactly a high ground to start on,” says Tarrin Terrall. “We’re trying to put across a point that one of the most dim-witted communities of mankind is actually becoming even more stupid. It’s a tough thing for us to manage. It’s like trying to make sugar sweeter. Wrestling fans already have so any questions left unanswered: Why must a fight not be able to happen until its advertised time? Surely if you have issues with someone you wouldn’t wait to get your hands on them. How does every match conveniently end up fitting in the show’s time slot and not go overtime? Why are there so many dangerous objects randomly left around the ring, such as chair, ladders, tables and trash cans, even though they should have no purpose there at all? If there are no disqualifications in some matches, why can’t the competitors just stab each other or use guns and get it over with? It’s a lot to digest for a poorly functioning mind.”
“Of course something like this would regularly happen,” said Geoff Hardi. “There is a clear opportunity for someone at any given time. But suddenly they become disabled and take forever to climb up the ladder, and when they make it there they decide that their hands have no use, and start whacking the briefcase around or pretending to not be able to reach it instead of just taking it.”
“And in some instances,” continued Geoff’s brother Mat. “The wrestler climbs to the top of the ladder and then jumps off like an idiot instead of winning it.”
“We here at Tee En Ay are very serious about our findings and discourage anyone from giving their support to WWE,” concluded Gale Kimme. “Instead, the smart wrestling fan will tune in to something much more educational, something like TNA wrestling.”
