Smarky re-cap: WWE Raw (1/14/13)

We start the show off with a nice mash-up of all the old RAW intros. Strangely enough, they end with the “Burn it to the Ground”. Wondering if they switch back to it. It was way better than all the current ones. McMahon opens the show, telling us that the reason this show is so successful is because he is a certifiable genius. I wouldn’t say genius, but definitely a very smart man (excluding the whole XFL thing of course). Big Show interrupts McMahon in a big and tall suit. He looks quite dapper. Show talks to Vince really nicely about what happened on Smackdown. But since Show has an iron clad contract, couldn’t he just push McMahon around until he gets what he wants? Apparently, McMahon has a thing against people calling him Vince. It’s Mr. McMohan God Dammit!

IT’S MR. MCMAHON GOD DAMMIT!

Alberto Del Rio comes out in some atrocious trunks that look like they were designed by a 6 year old in WWE ’13 Superstar threads. It’s still a little weird that Del Rio is a face. The only thing that really made Del Rio a face was that he was suddenly nice to Ricardo. Whatever, it’s working. Big Show, for some reason, declines the World Championship Match, and also points out that he is in a tailored suit. I can assure you Big Show that none of us thought you found that enormous suit in a department. Big Show then says that he will face Del Rio on his own time, which will be the Royal Rumble. Ricardo pulls out a bucket with the Mexican flag on it, which is a pretty weird thing to bring to the ring if you ask me. Ricardo throws it on the Big Show to reveal that it was just confetti. The two take out the Big Show, with Del Rio hitting one of those beautiful Enziguri. I’m really on board with this Del Rio push, even if it was a little rushed. Del Rio gets a lot of flack from fans for being boring, but I think it was just the stale character. Hopefully, this face turn can win over those guys.

With the departure of Eve, Kaitlyn is now one of the five remaining Divas who actually wrestle on a regular basis.

We return to RAW to see Barrett in the ring, for some reason getting the jobber entrance. Oh, Orton’s his opponent! That’s why! Barrett vs. Orton may be over done (like Ziggler vs. Sheamus), but they definitely deliver in each match. I’ve noticed that JBL is pretty blatantly honest. He sometimes just says outright that a match was bad. I wonder how Vince feels about that. The announcers really like to bring up the fact that Wade Barrett has a degree in Marine Biology. It’s like they’re trying to say being a Marine Biologist gives you a huge advantage in the ring. After Orton goes for an RKO, Barrett counters and hits him with a Bullhammer to pull off a HUGE upset. It was really great to see them having a heel champion beat a babyface cleanly. It adds prestige to the title and credibility to the champion.

We go backstage for a segment with Booker T, Teddy Long, and the rumoured-to-be-departing Divas Champion, Eve. Booker says that if Eve gets counted-out or DQ’d in her title match against Kaitlyn, she will be stripped of the title. Since she’s leaving, it’s pretty obvious that Kaitlyn is winning here. 26th time’s a charm. We cut to Kane and Bryan, who are complaining about how they have to go to therapy with Dr. Shelby. Dr. Shelby comes in (marking out), and they being the session. Shelby asks them to name things they like about each other. Bryan responds with “I like how he can set things on fire by lowering his arms somehow”. So.Much.Awesome! After Kane says the things he likes about Bryan, Shelby brings the Rhodes Scholars into the room. The Rhodes Scholars come in and heel it up by insulting everyone, leading Shelby to explode and Kane and Bryan to get them out of the room. It’s a great segment. We immediately cut to Kane and Bryan coming out to the ring for a match. They really need to mash-up their two theme songs. They would blend so well together.

“I love how Kane can summon fire by lowering his arms somehow.”

We return from commercial and start the Kane vs. Sandow match. Cole announces that the two teams will face each-other at the Royal Rumble. Rhodes and Sandow should win, as I feel like Bryan and Kane should do bigger things at WrestleMania. Kane defeats Sandow in a quick match. It makes the challengers look weak, but I guess it doesn’t matter if they are going to win the belts anyway. Cole says that they are going to announce the first inductee into the 2013 Hall of Fame when they return from commercial. Spoiler alert: It’s Mick Foley.

We return from the commercial to see Mick Foley revealed as the HOF inductee. He comes and grabs the mike to make a speech. After getting a cheap pop, the Shield’s music hits and they come down to the ring. It’s a great way to get heat. But before they can take out Foley, Ryback comes out, followed by Orton and Sheamus, to take out the Shield. It’s pretty obvious that Shield vs. Or-Shea-Back (copyright 2013) is happening at Rumble. As long as Shield wins, I’m okay with it. They go straight to a Ryback interview in the ring, making me realize that they literally sent Foley to the back without a speech or video package.

It’s time for a video package highlighting the worst gimmicks; it’s amazing. I hope they have another one of those for deceased wrestlers. It would be great. It’s time for the Divas Championship match, where Kaitlyn will win the title, and another great Diva talent will leave the WWE, making WWE’s total number of Divas three. After a pretty great Divas match, Kaitlyn hits Eve with a spear to win the Divas Championship. It’s sad that nothing in the Divas division is going to change, though.

We go to a backstage segment with Brodus Clay being asked about CM Punk‘s comments about him in his promo last week. This could have been Kidd! Anyway, Clay says that he was born to jive (ugh), and Punk should keep his name out of his mouth. It looks like Clay is turning heel soon; never mind, he’s facing Punk. He’s just going job. After a pretty one-sided match, Punk makes Clay tap-out with the Anaconda Vise. It looks like you should just turn heel, Clay. It’s time for a Punk promo! Punk does a promo about the difference between an opinion and a fact; that not liking him is an opinion, and him being the best in the world is fact. Great promo (as usual).

We head backstage for a backstage segment with the Rock N’ Sock Connection. It’s awesome. Foley starts using Rock’s finally line multiple times. This is too much awesome. Vickie interrupts only for Rock to back down. Foley asks him why he backed down, with Rock responding with “Trust me”. Foley, who then says, “You Rock Bottomed me last year….”. It’s amazing. Sheamus comes out for an over-the-top rope challenge match against 3MB. 3MB actually get the win over Sheamus, not making them look really strong though, since they just get wrecked by Sheamus after the match.

We go backstage for a Cena interview where he talks very loudly and quickly. We then go back to the stage where the Miz comes out for MizTV and hints that his guest will be Ric Flair. I hope it is. And it indeed is. Flair comes out to a huge ovation. Miz and Flair have a “WOO!” off. I can easily say that Lethal does a better Flair impression than Miz. Anyway, we get another awesome video package about catchphrases. We come back to Flair, who in the midst of his catchphrase, gets interrupted by Antonio Cesaro. What a rub for Cesaro! Cesaro bad mouths Flair, bringing up his divorces and debt, only for Miz to intervene. Cesaro tries to leave, but Flair stops him with a few signature chops. Miz hits a SCF, and Flair goes for the Figure-Four, but lets Miz do it for some reason; a great segment indeed. The Miz/Cesaro feud gave a huge rub to Cesaro and Miz, and gave the fans an entertaining segment.

Ric Flair putting on his best “Everything’s fine I’m not in crushing debt” face on.

We come back to Bryan vs. Rhodes, where Bryan defeats Rhodes in quick fashion. I don’t like how they are making Rhodes Scholars look weak. Like I said, it doesn’t matter anyway since they are winning the gold (bronze?) at Royal Rumble. We return form the break for an eerie backstage segment with AJ presenting the next video package about weddings. Once again, I’m still waiting for the memorial package. AJ starts crying because her GM position was taken away, but Ziggler shows up to console her, only to go on his own promo. Ziggler is super good on the mike though he doesn’t get enough credit for it. We return to the ring to see JR come out and announce the match. I personally think that he should have been announcing the whole show, but we all know that Vince has some weird grudge on Ross. Speaking of announcing, where’s Howard Finkel?

We come back from commercial with Ziggler in the ring and Cena coming out. Cena decides to freestyle rap to Stu the camera man. It was weird. I really hate how you can win by pinfall, submission, and escaping through the door in a Steel Cage match. Realistically, you could just run through the door right when the match starts. You should only be able to win by climbing over the top of the cage. It was an awesome match. Ziggler has great chemistry with Cena. Then again, Ziggler has great chemistry with everyone. Cena keeps kicking out of Ziggles’s finishers again. He makes Dolph look about as strong as a newborn baby. Cena wins after Ziggler goes for him with the briefcase and accidentally hits Big E. It was absolutely ridiculous. Ziggler shouldn’t be looking like a sack of potatoes, he should be looking like a world champion. It was incredibly stupid.

We return from break to the Rock coming out, meaning that we don’t get an effing memorial video package, no Undertaker, no Steve Austin, absolutely nothing! There was nothing special at all about this RAW. Rock starts to do his thing, which I don’t need to explain to you since he does the same thing every time he shows up. Not to say it isn’t extremely entertaining, but it’s predictable. After the Rock finishes his song about the biggest sport on the planet, Vickie Guerrero, he calls out CM Punk, who comes out and lifts the WWE Championship above his head, something he hasn’t done since he allied himself with Paul Heyman. The duo’s verbal banter is cut short when Punk runs down and attacks the Rock, and a brawl ensues. The two are separated, and RAW is over; very underwhelming for a super special 20th Anniversary Edition of Raw.

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